13th Anniversary

13 years of marriage - it's not monumental or record breaking, but it is a start.

I have loved the 13 years I have spent with my Curtis.  I hope and pray there are so many more that we achieve the "how long have you been married?!?" looks, because we look so young and in love after 57 years.  However, my beloved confessed last night that he just hope I lived long enough to deal with Adah's 1st bra and period.  That made me laugh so much.  I was like ... thanks, I think ... then he came back with I hope you are around a lot longer than that but that is the one thing I cannot imagine doing on my own.  I get it, I can't imagine my dad being the one to "help" me through those changes.  Still that is the funny thing about growing together in a relationship, you begin to count on each other for all the little/big things.  I really do love that practical nature of him.

So 13 years of marriage and a date night to celebrate makes me laugh.  It's not the romance filled celebration that I thought it would be when we started this married stuff.  It is practical, enjoyable, and fun.  We laughed a lot and still had plenty to talk about.  Do you wonder what?  Probably not, but I'll tell you anyway ...

• our will
• the highway 61 expansion
• kids birthday presents and celebrations
• work
• plans for the summer
• stress
• how stupid the movie "BarnYard" was on Netflix the night before - they had a boy cow and anyone who knows anything about cows knows there is only girl cows ...  the disservice this movie provided for any child without a farm background ... the possibility of a vegan farmer ... what kind of person has chickens and doesn't protect them from coyotes ... the list is endless, we may have talked about it for 30+ minutes.  Curtis will not allow himself to watch it again.  The fact that he took that kind of stance, just cracks me up.
• politics and the boneheads who run our government and claim they will get us out of the mess they got us into - we have kids we hear those claims EVERYDAY!!
• school and which one of us will be THAT parent
• goofy stuff our kids are doing and saying
• keeping the house clean and "training" the kids to do their chores
• and our marriage and life together, somehow woven through it all
• oh and that Biaggi's butter

We had a great night.  I still know that marrying Curtis was my best decision EVER.  I cannot imagine a better life or a better person to share all the triumphs and failures, the joy and the grief, the fun and the discipline, or anything else with.  Here's to the first 13 and many more to come.  

Kindergarten take 2

Back to school night :)

It's that time, my Adah is off to Kindergarten.

I cannot believe it.  My girl is 6 and ready to GO!!!

Mom, not so much.  It's the shift in life that is hard.  I will no longer be the primary adult in her life, most of her prime time will be with someone else, somewhere else.  I trust the teacher and the school, but still ... it's bittersweet and leaves me with doubt.

Did I do enough to prepare her?
Will she make friends?
Did I use my time with her well or just fill her with ideas and attitudes that her teacher will struggle with?
Will she fit in so as not to be the weird one, but not so well as to not be herself and all that God has made her to be?

I'm trying not to be the weird weepy mom, she is ready.
She is excited.
The timing is good.
We waited until we were sure she was ready.
But ... I'm still sad.

So here lies the challenge, being sad without causing her sadness and worry.

So, here is my plan, get my words out HERE, then get a good nights sleep.  In the morning, get up and PRAY for God to use me in Adah as she leaves for Kindergarten and Michael as he heads to 4th grade.  Snuggle with my kids, because they all still like that and need it to start our day well.  Make pancakes, because that was the special request tonight.  Leave the house at 7:45, because they moved the start of the school day up by 10 minutes - whoever made that decision doesn't have small kids - 10 minutes!!!  It may as well be an hour, it changes EVERYTHING!!!  Get pictures of everyone, get them to school, more pictures.  Walk Adah to class give make sure to tell her I can't wait to see her and hear about her day.  Take Gideon by the hand and leave the room, trying to keep Mr. Social from visiting all the rooms on the way out of the school.  Get back to the van, buckle my buddy in, THEN cry, but get over it quickly, I'm going out to breakfast with those who have gone before me.

I talked with Adah and Michael tonight about our goals for the year, well it ended up being more my goals for them.

Michael: Do things on purpose with purpose.  Try hard every day, even if you can just float through, don't settle - do your best.
Learn in your head and heart who you are in God's eyes and how he can use your strengths.
Develop friendships, get a true blue buddy.
Be kind to everyone, even those who are hard to be kind to, stick up for those who are picked on.
Have fun, everything is better when it is fun, don't get too busy or serious to miss it.

Adah: learn to read so you can love and learn about the world and people through books.
Be a good friend and make a good friend.
Make mistakes and learn from them.
Have fun, all good things in life should have a bit of fun in them - especially school.

I think I need to make some goals for me in this school year :) but that is another topic for another day.  Time to head to bed, time to pray for grace and courage, and time to enjoy this next stage of life with me and my G.

Back to school night - Michael was thrilled to get his picture taken, can you tell?

My 2 school kids :)

Thinking on all this I remembered that I blogged before Michael started school and WOW I'm predictable it is a similar experience.  end-of-week-of-michael 

Adah is 6!!!

I missed Adah's birthday blog somehow, so before I wrote on KINDERGARTEN, I felt I needed this one here too.  Since this blog is for my processing and my kids to read after I'm gone, I don't want to miss her birthday.

June 14, 2008 a day that is unforgettable to me and although it was six years ago, feels so recent.

The day Adah was born was a great day.  I didn't know I thought she was a boy, until the doctor told me she was a girl and I said "REALLY????" then as I looked at her in all her newness I kept saying, "I can't believe she is a girl ... It's really a girl ... Wow, a girl ..."

God knew what we needed, a girl.  Our house needed sparkles and twirls and high pitched stories and giggles - I didn't know it, but Adah is what was missing.

I didn't know what to name a girl.  I had a list of boy names, but nothing for a girl, until a few weeks before she was born, up late helping Joy write a paper over the phone, searching the Internet looking for Biblical names I found Adah, liked it immediately and then looked at the meaning ... beautiful addition.  (Ava had been on our list, but then in Ikea we seemed to trail a family with a little Ava and by the time we all checked out Ava was off my list.)  Then on June 14 I met Adah, indeed a beautiful addition, perfect name for the perfect girl for our family.  Not perfect by any means, but perfect for us.

She has been a beautiful addition to our family for 6 years now, so I will give you 6 of my favorite things about Adah - notice I said 6 of not 6, the list is very long.

Adah loves life.  She loves music and is always singing (slightly off key) and dancing.  She loves nature she picks flowers, rocks, sticks, you name it she has probably picked it up.  She then "investigates" things she finds with a magnifying glass.  We often have the "Mom, did you know..." talks.  She finds dirt, mud, and all things fun and filthy delightful.  Rain boots are an important part of our wardrobe.  How can you be girly and love mud?  I don't know, but Adah finds the balance.

Adah loves people.  Adah doesn't meet people she makes new friends.  She will say that's my new friend, I'll ask what is her name, she will answer I don't know, but she is my good friend.  Maybe that is what I will be like when I'm senile, I don't know her name, but she is my good friend.  She can take a bit to warm up to adults in an unusual situation, but once she does, watch out.

Adah is interesting.  You never really know what she is going to say or ask.  Some people may call it challenging, but those are the people who always feel challenged.  I think it's interesting, she isn't like everyone else and at this point doesn't feel the need to be, she is brave in herself.  She recognizes that is just how I am, feel, look ... and I hope it lasts forever.  Wouldn't this world be amazing if we were all good with who and how we are and expect other people to be who and how they are and look at each other as interesting instead of challenging.

Adah is a girl.  She giggles, she twirls. She loves dress up and is imaginative.  She can play and play and play with her dolls, stuffed animals.  She loves her brothers well and gets rough and tumble, but does it in her own dainty way.  She softens rough edges in us all.

Adah is quick. She is the girl who is always ready.  I don't have to talk her into changing plans or doing something different, she is up for it.  She tries new things and charges fearlessly ahead, leaving us catching up with her.  God is going to use this in a mighty way.  I've been praying that he will allow her wild spirit to lead her to His gain and that I will hold her tightly in my heart and prayers but with hands open when the time is right.  That the taming will come to help her move ahead in wisdom, but not in causing her to stop in fear.

Adah is mine.  Well, mine and Curtis's, but it's my blog I can claim her as my girl.  I look at her and remember her beginning, she was a good baby.  She didn't sleep well through the night consistently until she was 2, but that was OK.  I wouldn't trade those snugly moments with her for anything - well when she was 18 months, I probably felt differently - but now the blessings overwhelm me.  She knows how I work, better than I know how she works, but we are figuring that out.  She struggles with no meaning no, but so do I.  When I see her snuggled in her bed at night, I feel blessed because God trusted me with her and I didn't deserve His trust, but look at it with hope, knowing that He would only do that if He truly believed that I would be the best mom to help her grow into the woman He needs her to be to accomplish the plan He has for her.  My goodness, what a gift.

Dad

Well, it's July 10th again.

I wish that it was a great memory that brought July 10th to mind, but it's a sad one.  The day Dad left his earthly home and headed for glory, suddenly and by surprise for us, but as all things - according to God's plan.  I still don't understand why God stole him away from us and I probably never will, but I knew then and hold dear now that God can still be sovereign even when I don't get it.

What kind of God do you want to serve?  A God that you always understand and predict or one that knows more than you, can see farther than you, and is willing to go against your plan, even when it's hard, to put His perfect plan into action.  I want my God to be bigger than me, know more than me, and is able to do His work in His time - otherwise, God is just like you - what kind of God is that?  Weak!!  My God is not weak!!

Don't you remember the sunday school song?  "My God is so BIG!!  So strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do."

Losing Dad was the hardest thing I've ever gone through and it could have ruined me, but I think it strengthened me.  I look back and realize that his death made me more prepared for life's ups and downs, the joy and the sorrow.  I have learned to take a step back and take things as they come - well, I'm still learning that.  I realized that I wanted to be like him, a lover a people and God, not perfect, but always trying, learning, growing.  How much time do we waste on the "important" things in life, only to miss the truth - God gives us all a certain number of days and when they are up, what did our life stand for?  Was it for Him and the things He loves or was it seeking after other stuff?

One of the greatest gifts and comforts right after his death and continuing to this day was the unshakable knowledge he gave me.  He loved me. - I knew it.  He knew I loved him - I knew that too. I will see him again - I KNOW it!!  That is an unwavering comfort and an incredible gift.  I could rest in it and when nothing else was known, I knew those three things.  There were times when the loneliness was overwhelming, but I thought of those three things and could somehow cling to hope.  I didn't want to grieve as one with no hope.  I had hope and I had those three things.  

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 (ESV)

13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. 15 For this we declare to youby a word from the Lord,[a] that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.

I miss him all the time and long for his words, stories (tall tales), hugs, smells, songs, and laughter, but these are all things I hope to get again when we meet in heaven - well, maybe not the smells.  (Are there smells in heaven - a lot of his smells came from sweat and the things to cover up the sweat - HAHA a sweaty Kelly man, how can it be?  Is there sweat in heaven?  Oh, but that sweat was sweet to me.)  Looking forward to that blessed day of being reunited and with our God.  In the meantime I will savor those moments when a few of those Dad things come my way as if a gift from Heaven.  I have had a few times when I hear or read his words, re-tell a story, catch a smell, hear one of his songs, or the lilt of someone's laughter is similar and those are tear-filled and treasured moments.  Maybe today I will get one of those moments ...



Love you Dad and can't believe that 11 years can feel like forever and yesterday at the same time.

Gideon is 3 - how can it be?

Today is my youngest child Gideon's 3rd birthday.  It's a bittersweet day, I love watching him grow and know that a growing child is a gift from God, but while looking at photographs today it's hard to believe how quickly the last 3 years have gone and part of me misses that chubbalicious baby.

Instead of focusing on what was I will just enjoy where we are today - June 10, 2014.

A side note about where we are NOW:  We are watching Planes and loving Dusty Cropphopper and the lessons of this movie.  Hard work helps us achieve our dreams, it doesn't just happen without the work.  Forgiveness is hard when others disappoint you but is worth it  in the end and will make your friendship stronger.  Approaching others without fear and confident in who you are will help you win friends, when you aren't trying to be someone else you are able to show others who you really are and they will like you more for your individuality and be able to be who they really are with you - you are a safe friend and those kind of friends are invaluable.  OK, done with my life lesson movie review :)

Since it is his THIRD birthday - 

I will list 3 of my favorite things about my Gideon.

1. Gideon, you are full of love and joy and being around you makes others feel loved and joyful.
   
    
2. Gid, you have taught me that I cannot control everything and that letting go of the little things to focus on the big things is always the best choice.  
   
3. G man, you have grown in your 3 short years into an adventurous, curious, and mischievous little boy.  This is something that I adore and find annoying, often at the same time, but this is also something that will make your life interesting and rich (not in $$$ but in experiences - the best kind of way to be rich).  You are definitely not boring and encourage all of us blessed to know and love you to find and cling to that childlike delight that does our hearts good.  The laugh you posses and share with us is worth more than gold.
   

I cannot wait to see who you grow into and am so blessed to be your mom and part of the process.  No matter what else happens in life, I am always going to be cheering for you and praying for your safety.  Happy 3rd Birthday to my little Gidster, where would we be without you?  I pray we never find out.  We will enjoy your birthday as we celebrate together with all the fun that birthday's bring.

Happy Happy Birthday to you Gideon!!!  We love you more today than the day you were born!!

Public Restrooms ...

This may be a bit of a rant ... but here goes

Who designs public restrooms?  I would love, love, love to be part of the consumer research for this.

Here is a list of what is needed in a public restroom:

1. My person (skin, shoes, purse) should not have to touch the walls, door, the "sanitary items" trash can on the wall, or the toilet paper dispenser.
2. I should not have to straddle the toilet to shut the door.  
3. There should always be a place to hang a purse and diaper bag.  (Just try to take a little guy in there, stand him on your feet, try not to touch anything, and then hang your purse and diaper bag around your neck - seriously how much does a hook cost?)
4. In every public restroom there should be at least 1 stall without the auto-flush toilet to eliminate the need to cover the sensor so my little people can piddle without being flushed.
5. The toilet paper should be within reach of the person sitting in the toilet - you shouldn't have to lean all the way over to reach it at the bottom of the stall or have to bend all the way forward to reach it near the door.  (Toilet paper removal should never remind you of the time you watched your dad "pull" a calf.)
6. I should never have to separate from my little people in a public restroom or piddle with the door open so I can see where they are.  
7. If you want to be skimpy with paper towels, toilet paper, or water through your micro-management of how much should be used, know that I and most other people (I have seen a few in the restroom) will use more than we need.  (I do find it ironic when a hospital or other medically involved building uses the water reduction system that gives you about 3 seconds of water to wash - do they not read their own hand washing policy signs?!?)

7 simple things.  Not too much to ask, just think about using the restroom you design with 2 children in tow and decide if it is set up well.  If you are in public restroom design and would like some help - I have some ideas :) and am willing to share.

This rant is coming from a place of LOVE not from a place of being piddled on - that's my story and I'm sticking to it.  (Anyone else singing the song now? - no, just me, the Collin Raye lover.)

I do reserve the right to add to this list as is my right as a user of public restrooms and as a mother of a little piddler who has to navigate the restroom with a purse, diaper bag, and another little person as witness to the piddle.

Exploravision

At the spring parent teacher conference Curtis and I were told that Michael and his partner (I won't put his name out there in case his parents aren't good with that) were regional finalists in the Exploravision competition.  1 of 24 entries chosen to go to the next level.  Ok, that sounds good, she was really excited so we knew it was kind of a big deal.  He was excited, he was going to win a Toshiba Tablet.

Just what we need, more electronics - not complaining, just ironic how we have gone from a not even a smart phone 2 years ago to a family with a screen for everyone (almost).  A lot of eyes and minds to guard, keeps this mom on her toes.  I do limit screen time - we are not a run it 'til the batteries dead house.  I'm not perfect, but I try to pay attention :)

I didn't even know that he was participating in the contest - I guess that makes me a bad mom? but he brought no work home and never spoke of it.  I usually only get details from his homeroom class, and rarely hear about anything else.  I thought that it was cool, but not that huge.  Then the information began to trickle in.

The region is 9 midwestern states and Canada.
The 24 chosen were from all age groups, there were only 5 other groups in his age range from across the country.
They were doing a commercial/promo for the Tornado Trasher that would air on local radio.
An assembly would be help for he an his partner with a Toshiba rep presenting him with the award.
They were interviewed, photographed, and ended up with an article in the paper.
The congratulations began to come in from people "in the know".

I was a little unsure of how to respond to all this.

On one hand, I was so happy for him and proud, I wanted to shout it and tell everyone I knew.  But on the other, I didn't want it to be a "my kid is sooooo smart, talented, gifted, perfect" ... thing, that my friends and others would resent.  You know who those people are, you don't read their Facebook posts either.  He is my kid and I love him, but I know he is far from perfect and to be honest, I don't want him to be perfect.  It's our imperfections that make us interesting.  He is special in many ways, but so is everyone else.

So what is a mom to do?

I don't want this to be the high point of his education - he is only a third grader.  I don't want him to feel that approval and pride are earned with big awards.  But, I also don't want it blown over and not enjoyed.  I am trying to strike a balance - but that is hard, when obviously I am proud and loving the thought of his success and adding another layer to figuring out who he is and what God has gifted him with.  Don't get me wrong an all expense paid trip to Washington D.C. would be FABULOUS!!  (Say it like Billy Crystal did in those old pop commercials - was it TAB?)  I should be more excited about the possibility of the $$ than the trip right?  But we have to get to the finals, before that becomes any kind of reality.

I'm just going to keep praying that I don't mess him up, too much, and enjoy this ride, wherever we go from here.

Dear Lord, Thank you for the opportunity.  Thank you for the teachers and staff at our school who challenge students.  Thank you for the originators of this contest who allow children a voice and an opportunity to dream big.  Please help Michael as he participates in this contest to see it as it is: a gift and an opportunity to grow in knowledge and grace.  He may loose, help him to be gracious.  He may win, help him to be humble.  Please allow this to help him uncover the God given strengths that you planned for and created before we even knew him.  Allow this to be a step in becoming the man you want him to be, part of the plan you have for his life.  Please help me know what to say and do as we journey through this season and the next together.  I love this boy and am honored to be his mom, even if he would not have been chosen for this project or is ever "known" by the world around us again.  Thank you for Michael.  Thank you for who he is and who he is becoming.  Please help me to love him well and teach him to love you.  Help me hold onto him loosely so you can take him and use him.  I can't wait to see what you do next Lord, not just in this contest (it's silly and little) but in the life of my son and in our family, I know it's all in your hands.  In the name of your precious Son - AMEN

Shaelynn's Article

Here is an article I wrote to promote two benefits that were held in our little town.  It explains a bit more of Shaelynn's story.  

February 15, 2007, the day after Valentine’s Day.  To most this was a normal Thursday, but to Andrew and Samantha Kelly this was the day that their life was turned upside down.  This was the day that they had to rush their precious 15 month old daughter Shaelynn to Henry County Health Center.  

Shaelynn Sue Kelly was born on November 2, 2005 to Andrew and Samantha (Stanley) Kelly of New London, Iowa.  She was a beautiful baby and looked exactly how a baby should, pink and round with all her fingers and toes.  She instantly stole her father’s heart and in a smile captivated her mother’s soul.  She passed all the normal milestones in life with gusto and with each day her personality developed.   Shaelynn is a girl who knows what she wants and stubbornly finds a way to get it.  She isn’t quick to smile, but shares them generously when she is delighted with her surroundings.  Shaelynn seems to approach life with a cautious optimism that makes those close to her watch with enthusiasm and amusement.  To say that this girl is loved is an understatement; she is completely adored without abandon by her extended family Jeff and Carol (Stanley) Lair and Julie Kelly grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and countless friends.  

On February 14 Shaelynn took a small tumble, not unusual to any one year old, but this time she didn’t seem to bounce back like all the other times before.  She slept more that afternoon than normal and seemed extra clingy to her mother.  Shaelynn continued to be lethargic through the next day and the doctor told Drew and Samantha that she should be taken to the emergency room to be checked out just to make sure that all was okay.  There was no expectation that it would be any more than this.  However, after a CT scan, it was revealed that Shaelynn had a mass in her brain that had been aggravated by her fall.  This mass had been there a while, but was in an unformed part of her brain so no symptoms were found.  A quick 22 minute helicopter ride to University Hospitals in Iowa City was next.  This was only the beginning of Shaelynn’s journey.  

The doctors were hopeful that the mass was not cancer, but on Monday February 19 after brain surgery it was found to be malignant, which means cancer for those of you fortunate enough to not have been impacted by this disease.  The following Wednesday a central line port was placed in her chest and chemo therapy began.  Chemo for a small child takes a long time to give, for Shaelynn it is a five day process.  She struggled with the treatment and everything that went with it and was not released from the hospital until Friday March 2.  Due to a fever the Kelly family returned to the University Hospitals on Saturday the 3^rd and did not return home to New London again until March 7.  Thankfully Shaelynn was strong and healthy enough to remain at home until her next chemo treatment March 14.  This treatment was much easier on her little body and everything went according to schedule and the family returned home on March 17.  Shaelynn is home in New London awaiting her third treatment which is scheduled to begin on April 3.  She is doing well, but is highly susceptible to infection due to her low white blood count, a common side effect to her treatment.  

Peach fuzz has replaced her blonde hair and she has grown accustomed to being poked and attached to cords, but Shaelynn has the same smile and spirit.  She is using her stubborn nature to show all who know her how to move bravely forward in the face of unthinkable circumstances.  She continues to play, laugh, and enjoy her life as well as bringing delight to her parents.  Andrew and Samantha have allowed Shaelynn to have peace in this battle as they refuse to give up.  They are boldly looking at brain cancer as an obstacle to overcome and are not drowning in sorrow over the unanswerable question of “why”.  They are doing what they do best loving their child and stepping out in faith.  They are an example of courage under fire and are facing this struggle head on without feeling sorry for themselves or anger with God.  Drew and Sam believe that this is part of a bigger story.  It is occupying their lives right now, but is not the end.  There is more to life than a battle with cancer.  They are both determined to see Shaelynn grow up and go through all the same struggles and victories of every other child.  They believe in the power of prayer and the love of God to see them through whatever comes their way.  The Kelly family is clinging to a chapter in the Bible for strength, Psalm 77 you will understand why when you read it.  You will find their hope in verse 11, I shall remember the deeds of the Lord; Surely I will remember Your wonders of old 12 I will meditate on all Your work and muse on your deeds 13 your way, O God is holy; what god is great like our God.

There are two benefits being held to help offset the expenses incurred when a child is sick.  Please come and join those who want to show their support for Shaelynn and her family.  The first benefit is a family friendly event at Clark Elementary School in New London, Iowa on Saturday April 14.  The doors will open at 4:00 P.M.  A donation will get you a great spaghetti dinner and dessert.  There will be a live auction at 7:00 by Jerry Jones of Sullivan Auctions and a silent auction throughout the evening.  There will be games and activities for children from ages 2-12.  The second benefit is on Saturday April 28.  There will be a poker run from 11:00 a.m. - 2:00 p.m. (sign in at 10:00 a.m. at the VFW in New London) followed by a hog roast from 2:00 - 6:00.  There will also be a live auction at 3:00 by Richard Realty and Auction, the evening will wrap up with entertainment beginning at 6:00 by Just Push Play.  There will also be raffles throughout the afternoon; tickets can be purchased at the VFW, 367-5009 or 367-5508.   

The Kelly’s would like to thank all that have supported them throughout this unexpected journey; their family both immediate and extended, the Harmony Bible Church family, great friends, caring strangers, and especially their employers at Hawkeye Group Inc. in Mediapolis and Henry County Health Center in Mount Pleasant, who have allowed them to be Shaelynn whenever she has needed them.  Without the prayers and support of these faithful people this daunting journey would seem impassable, but with God’s grace there is hope.

February 19th

As we creep up on the 19th of February, I always go back in time to when Michael was an only child.  Life was simpler.  My family was growing, the dream of Adah was beginning to form and I had 2 nieces and a nephew within a year and a half.  We were adjusting to Dad being gone, and then WHAM another dime moment.  (When life turns on a dime - don't know that I am the originator of this phrase, but I do use it like it's my own, it just seems to describe those life changing moments perfectly.)

February 19th, 2007 we found out my sweet 15 month old niece Shaelynn had brain cancer and was beginning to battle for her future and my baby brother Drew, was forced into bravely growing up and dealing with the unthinkable.  I watched and tried to help as Drew and Samantha fought to keep their sweet girl and wondered how they could keep going.

February 19, 2008 the dreaded call came Shaelynn's healing had come, but not in the way we wanted, in the only complete way it could, through the end of this life and the beginning of her eternal life.

Never will February 19th be the same, it will always be Shaelynn's day.  I will never be the same and I was just an aunt.  I still think of her every day.  Michael still talks about her and we wonder what she would be like today.  Oh, how I wish things would have turned out differently.  I imagine that smile and big brown eyes and selfishly wish that we had more time ...

I have learned that I can believe that God is good and wants the best for  us, even when I don't understand His plan, His purpose, or His process.  I have watched Drew and Sam grow closer and stronger after dealing with too many unspeakable losses.  They have continued to show grace and joy, even when the questions are so big and all consuming.  They have faith that many claim to have, but is never tested.  I admire their strength and courage and will always be grateful to have been able to witness true love.  Cancer still sucks and I still don't get it, but I know that my sweet niece is in heaven and is perfectly healed, someday I will know what perfect healing is and I will once again hear that little laugh and know that I am really in heaven.  Until then, February 19 is her day and I will miss her.

9

Well, it's official now, he's 9.

My Michael is 9.

The day he was born I changed.  I don't know what happened or what delivered when he did, but my priorities shifted.  I suddenly had more patience.  I found myself focused on moments rather than years.  I realized that time is a gift and I knew I wanted to take my time and enjoy every moment with this little nameless baby boy Beekman.

We named him on the 23rd after both our fathers.

Michael has grown from a little boy to a big boy.  His looks have matured, he is getting so tall.  He longs to be more grown up than he is.  I am blessed to be his mom.  He is not a perfect boy, but he has so many good qualities I can't come close to listing them all.  I am going to take this opportunity on his ninth birthday to write down nine of my favorite things about him as I have had the gift of time to watch him grow.

1. He's faith filled and hopefully that will grown into faithful
2. He's playful and boyish hopefully 
3. He's kind 
4. He's generous 
5. He's a great brother
6. He's thoughtful, 
7. He's a lover of fun
8. He's interesting
9. He's snugly 

He is truly a gift.  I hope that I will cherish the rest of his childhood as much as I have the first nine years.  It's a weird thing to be almost half-way to adulthood.  How is that possible?!?

What will change in the next nine years.

A LOT!!  I know.

Hopefully I will still be able to find the good and see the possibilities in him.  I pray I will cherish the next stage of life more than I have this one.  I pray that God's plan will be revealed to my son and that I will be a part of that plan as a support and encouragement, but most of all as a mother who is willing to let him go and do the work that God has purposed his life for.  Nothing would be worse than to be seen as a hindrance to his doing God's work.  Which means, although I want to hold him tightly I have to hold him loosely and teach him to hold tightly to God.

Is this the most difficult part of motherhood?  I think so.

Laundry and spanks ...

This is a goofy one, but it really is what is on my mind.  I was going to make it my fb status, but it would be too long.

I have so much laundry to do.  It's overflowing from baskets and laying on the floor.  It's, thankfully, not stinky, but staring at me when I do anything that is not laundry related.  It's peering into the back of my head and following me around, I know it doesn't have eyes, but it feels like it does.  Haunting me.  I can hear it calling to me - aren't you missing your favorite panties ... Gideon's been asking for his Packer shirt ... Michael will run out of pants soon ... it's like a song that gets stuck in your head like "Stacy's mom has got it going on ..." that is all I know of that song, but they put it on that stupid commercial and then I'm avoiding laundry, blogging, and singing "Stacy's mom has got it going on".  I don't even know Stacy ... we maybe I do know a Stacy or two, but I've never thought of their mom's like that.  RAMBLING!!!

Last night I was talking to my good friends about what my laundry basket was like and I said it was like me in spanks - a little less lumpy, but still bulging and overflowing.  This morning while in the bathroom, I saw it again and it all came back to me and made we laugh again.  I thought, I'd share a picture, and maybe it would bring some laughs to my job security.  I hope your imagination doesn't go to me in spanks but rather relates to the constant nature of laundry and life as a mom.

Trying to find joy and humor in the little things, here in my little snow covered town.  Love to all my fellow laundry battlers and of course to Stacy's mom!!

Thanksgiving ...

It's a long one and late :) due to some computing and timing issues - nothing major, just not the way I'd planned.  I started it last week, before thanksgiving.

I love Thanksgiving!!  It seems like the only holiday that is truly what it says it is: a day to be thankful.  For us, it seems like it's the one holiday that is pretty relaxed and about God, family, and country.  (Is there a normal order for that?  Seems like I have it wrong, but it's the order that works best for me, and since I'm writing this I get to pick.)  I love the hospitality of having a big shindig and going all out for family, friends, and those you find who need someone to act as family and friend.  I've never hosted, so maybe my mind would be changed if it was ever my house opened up, but I would if mom gave it up or the Beekman's wanted to travel here.  I love taking some time to speak your thanks to those you are most thankful for.  I love hanging out and watching football, playing games, and chatting.  I love going home exhilarated and exhausted from spending the day talking, eating, playing, watching, laughing, eating, and all the other things you rarely take time out to do.  Why do we only have these awesome days a couple times a year?

I have loved reading my friends daily gratitude's on Facebook and meant to do it, but I forgot about it until 3 days in and then thought, I'll catch up tomorrow.  Guess what, I forgot again and put it off again, and then WHAM!! it's the 20somethingth, and then it's too late and seemed weird to try to catch up then, soooo ... I'll just do it here.

1. I'm so thankful for the grace of God.  It has pulled me through too many times to count.  It is only through Gods grace that I have any of my blessings and have been rescued from my mistakes and escaped the consequences I so deserve.  I can see God's grace in each aspect of my life and hope thatno matter what I go through I can see His grace, but I have learned that you can only find it when you are willing to look.
2. Curtis - he showed up in my life just when I thought it was time to give up finding the right guy  and WHAM everything changed.  He encourages me to be my best, but has loved me at my worst.  We have celebrated the greatest blessings in life together and mourned great losses.  What would life be without him, I hope I never have to find out.
3. Michael - my firstborn, he is an introspective and thoughtful boy.  He makes me laugh and has surprised me with his thoughts and ideas about so many things in the world.  He still snuggles with me and I am clinging to his boyishness, knowing that too soon it will be gone.
4. Adah Kay - my pixie girl.  She has a secret delight in her eyes most of the time.  She is a twirling, sparkly, mud puddle lover.  She is a little girl and loves it.  She is chatty and fun loving, loves learning new things and would live nothing more than just tell you what she thinks and how it should be done.  She has insights abou the wonder of God and helps us all join her in that wonder and brings us back to what matters most.
5. Gideon - my formerly Chibalicious toddler boy.  He has a contagious smile.  He is the reason we are building a fence.  He has a pull to be outside, it's nearly magnetic, boundaries are good for him, he likes to push them a bit.  Each day he is learning and loves to play.  What would I do without the boy who asks questions and taught me that control was an illusion?
6. Dad - he was taken from us before we were ready, but really, when would I have been ready to lose him?  He taught me so many things as I grew up and even after he was gone.  I miss him daily and wish my children would have know Grandpa Mike.  God knew what was best for him and I know he hasn't been lonely in heaven.  I look around and see others with their dads and sometimes I get a bit jealous, but then I think, would I trade my dad for any other dad and the answer is always no.  I had my dad for 29 years and knew without question that he loved me and our family, he loved and served God and many others, and I lost him suddenly but without the struggle that sometimes is there when a relationship has been fractured.  He was not perfect,for sure, I could write about his imperfections, but he was the man chosen to be my dad and I wouldn't trade him for a dad that would live until I'm an old lady.  
7. Mom - a woman who is stronger than she knows.  She taught me to love my kids and roll with it.  She allowed me to be who I was and listened, a lot, and still does.  My mom has faced many losses, disappointments, and her faith has remained strong.  She believes that God is good and has a plan, even when times are hard and family is important even when they drive you crazy.  She laughs a lot, works and plays hard, teaches as she goes, expects your best, and shows love and grace to everyone she meets.  (Well, most everyone - we do have a few stories of her frustrations showing, but they are all funny and not disrespectful - honestly, they cracking me up just thinking of them now.)
8. Sarah - my sister and my friend.  She has know me most of my life and knows my secrets and can tell when I'm not telling the whole story.  She is generous and is growing more and more confident with each year.  She still surprises me.  I wish she lived next door.  I could talk to her everyday.  
9. Tim - my brother in Wisconsin.  I don't see or talk to him enough.  I'm proud to be his sister.   Freckle faced and fair strawberry blondes - with him I fit.  In our family we looked different than our dark haired, dark eyed siblings, but that was fun.  I've always been a fan of his and continue to root for him and proudly tell people I'm his sister.  I love that our oldest boys are only 6 weeks apart and love each other and have such fun together.  Tim has always been more than a brother, he's my friend and I cherish any time I get to sit, talk, and laugh with him.
10. Drew - my baby brother.  I was in kindergarten when he was born and I adored him from the very start.  He was beautiful as a baby and was such a snuggler - still loves a good back rub and scratch.  He has faced incredible loss and has bravely and boldly faced them head on clinging to God and his wife.  What could have destroyed him, made him stronger and I will always respect and cherish that about him.  
11. Joy - my little sister Baby Joy.  I was 10 when she was born and have been blessed to be close to her.  I am territorial about her and feel a bit motherly, which she doesn't understand at all, but she was the baby not the oldest.  I know I'm not the only oldest child who feels that way about their siblings - it's a Number 1 thing.  Joy fits her name and she definitely brought joy to our family the day she arrived and ever since, she continues to bring joy wherever she goes.  She is a bit fearless and has an I can figure it out attitude.  She is creative and interesting.  She is a great friend and I love our time together.  
12. The Beekman's - I am not their daughter and am probably not the dream daughter in law, but I am thankful for the influence they have had on my life.  They helped shape my sweet Curtis into the man he is and for that I will be forever grateful.  They love my kids and it is a treat each time we get to go to Wisconsin to visit.  They go out of their way to make each of them feel special and important.  The Beekman's have been a family that I am proud to join.
13. Extended family - aunts, uncles, cousins ... but all friends.  I have a great family and in a dream world I would get to see them more regularly.  I love it when we are able to catch up and I can hear stories from the past.  I always leave and wish I'd brought a recorder so I could have all the history available to listen to again.  I have learned so much from them people God chose for my life and can't imagine life without them.  Sometimes I wish I had tons of money so I could bring all these people together for a week and just spend all that time enjoying them and God's blessings on us.  
14. Harmony Bible Church - the place where I was introduced to Jesus and the place that continues to help me grow that relationship.  I have been a Harmonite all my life and wouldn't have it any other way.  I have watched many changes happen, some were easy, some were not, but I have to say they were all part of helping to grow my faith.  I love being in the church my dad served in, even though not many people remember him anymore, I still know he was a part of making that church what it is and am so glad to be a part of the same ministries with my children.
15. MOPS - Harmony Bible Church MOPS saved me.  I don't know where I would be today with the group of women in my MOPS group.  They have gathered around to support me when I needed it, they have laughed with and at me, they have let me be a part of a group when I felt lost and alone.  I'm thankful daily of for all that MOPS has brought into my life
16. Long time friends - I have a few friends who have been cornerstones in my life.  I don't know where I would be without them.  They are people who didn't think twice, but came when Dad died.  I didn't ask them, they were just there, crying with me and reminding me of all that really mattered.  They were there when I thought I'd never marry and were so happy for me when I met Curtis and cheered the day we married and have been rejoicing with me each time we have brought a baby home.  Sometimes we talk often and sometimes it's ages between conversations, but it never really changes.  The love and support is always there.  If I didn't have them where would I be? 
17. New friends - who new you could make real, true, new friends at this time in life.  I thought I was done with that part of my life, but have been given the gift of new true friends.  It's such a blessing.  There is something about doing life together that bonds people and I am getting the opportunity to do that with some great women.  It has been a blessing to just be a part of a group of women who look at life in a similar way and are respectful about differences.  
18. Southeast Iowa - I love this midwestern home of mine.  I find the countryside lovely and the smells funny.  I like that traffic problems involve tractors and farmers instead of careless people.  I like the ever changing weather.  I like the people who wave regardless of knowing you or not.  I love being close enough to get to the city and enjoy all it's benefits, but not having to deal with one daily.  I like the Hawkeyes and don't hate the Cyclones - I just want us to represent our state well.  I like that the expectation is hard work.  I like that my family has been here for generations and that with every introduction comes a genealogy.  
19. My home, I am not in my dream home, and don't know that I ever will be, but this imperfect home is where Curtis and I started our life together, where we brought our babies home to, and where we are building our family.  It has so many flaws and feels small some days, but it is our home.  I know it is just a building and I would happily survive if we lost it somehow, but I am thankful for this place, our place.  The memories it contains are priceless and those who live and visit here are irreplaceable.  I do wish I had more storage :) but I am making do without it.
20. Efficient washer and dryer - I know it's a thing and the most important things in life aren't things ... but I love being able to start and finish washing and drying clothes in the same day.  With my old washer and dryer I would do laundry all week, it took so long to get it dry, but then a new red set moved into my laundry room and changed the day to day look of my life.  Laundry is still a chore, but I no longer dread it.  Now folding it, that's a different thing entirely, I could fold every day, but washing and drying is so much easier now.
21. My van - 2006 Toyota Sienna.  Like so many things it has seen better days and there are newer and better models out there, but I love my van.  I never thought I would be a van person, but gas mileage and storage won me over.  I feel safe as I drive and ride mostly back and forth to the grocery store, school, and church.  I feel grateful because it's paid for.  I feel thankful because so many would love to be driving my old van and I too often take it for granted.  
22. Peanut Butter - what is better than peanut butter?  I have no more words.
23. Diet Pepsi/Coke (whichever is on sale) - please don't preach to me about the harm and hazards of my vice.  I don't do that to you.  I don't drink coffee, I don't smoke, I try to use very few processed foods, so I drink diet brown soda and I don't feel guilty about it.  
24. Music - I love music.  I learn through music, God speaks to me through music, I pray when I sing, I find the right words to my emotions with the right song.  I love listening to music and singing, usually in my kitchen or my car, not really for anyone else just for me and God.  I love that my family loves music to and we get to enjoy it as a family. 
25. Learning - I may be a dumb nerd, but I love going to classes and leaving having learned something new.  I'm not claiming to be a genius or even particularly smart, I just love learning.  I am not learning big things, but things that matter to me and my life.  I love thinking of things in new ways and sharing those things with people I think would like it to.  I get excited about seminars and conferences, I'm weird, I know it, but I'm okay with it.
26. Loss - there are people you never want to loose, but then you do, it's what happens after that I am thankful for.  I have lost loved ones and I would give anything to get them back even for a moment, but knowing that it isn't possible you have to try to go on.  You are never the same, but you have a choice in your turn on a dime moment, bitter or better.  In loss I have learned things I never would have learned in keeping.  I learned to cherish time and let go of little things.  I learned that God is good even when you don't understand.  I learned that people are little glimpses of God's love and grace and that true healing is only accomplished by God, in his time, and only in heaven.  I learned that if we allow God to strengthen, people are stronger than anyone could imagine - you can't make it on your own and come out better at the other end.  When we try to go it alone, bitter is where we end.  Bitter is a waste of your life and a dishonor to those you lost.  
27. Cooking, baking, frying, broiling, roasting, microwaving - anything with me and a recipe in the kitchen.  I like trying a new twist on an old thing.  Curtis laughs annoyedly because I rarely set a timer, how long will it be he asks, oh when it looks and smells done I answer.   I like it when people like what I have made and eat it all.  I don't ever want to run out or have a hungry person at my table.  I like cooking shows, but I wish there were one that showed the season of life I'm in ... a mom trying to make a meal, representing most of the food groups using unprocessed food, trying to figure out a new recipe with all the interruptions that family life represents and success or failure the family eats together and finds nourishment, laughter, and love around the table in their sometimes messier than she would like home.  What do you think?  Anyone going to pick up that show on the cooking channel?
28. Talk Radio - brain food.  The only regular adult and thoughtful interaction I get in my daily life is Moody Radio.  I love talk radio, maybe that stems from being the daughter of a farmer turned truck driver, but I like to hear ideas and conversations.  I love Rush, Dave Ramsey, and so many of the Moody Radio programs, especially Janet Parschal.  I don't always get to watch the news, but I keep up on the happenings in the world through talk radio.  When I left an adult world and came into my home for a career I was longing for some thoughtful interaction and went back to talk radio, something I'd grown up on, but hadn't found the time for being busy most of the peak talk radio times.  I'm so grateful for the things that teach me, fire me up, confirm or challenge my beliefs, and make me laugh.
29. Cardigan sweaters - I'm a nerd I know.  But I really love a cardigan, in fact I wear one most days.  I have one on now.  I carry them with me in the summer - you never know if you will need it.  I wear one almost daily in the winter.  I feel like they are the perfect part of any outfit.  They are great to cover stains on a shirt and you can dress them up or down.  You can even sleep in them.  They are a staple in my wardrobe.  I sometimes feel like I should try to wear other things, but why, a cardigan is classic, simple, and easy.
30. Words - my grandmother told me I have the gift of gab.  She was right.  I think in words, I relate in words, I express every thing in me in words.  I write, I read, I talk, I sing - take away words and I don't know what I would do.  I love reading and am so glad that God made me a word person.  Nothing is more frustrating than not being able to find the right words to explain something, so I just keep trying until I get it write.  Sometimes I don't find them until after you walk away, but eventually in my mind I can let it go because I found the right words.  I am wounded by words and I understand by words.  I love watching my kids develop their words.  Words are part of my existence and finding myself at a loss for words is rare.  Can't you tell, look at how long this blog is!!!  Geesh, no one will read this, but I'm doing it for me not you.  Thank God for giving me the words to express so many things I'm grateful for and to know that I am only just beginning.  

MOPS India Part 2

Last Friday night was the Missional Mamas Open House.  


Joy prepared the table (thankfully - don't know what I would've done without Joy) and I came before we opened up for the evening.  A bit before 4:00 we had a time of prayer with all the other moms and dedicated the event and evening to God and prayed for all those we represented.  Then the doors open and people began to shop.  What an event - I have loved shopping it in the past, but that night I was having an opportunity to interact with the shoppers and telling them about our scarves, where they came from and what they represented.  I was excited to help them find just the right scarf and have a little girl talk.  It was fun.  


These scarves, I LOVED them.  I had looked at a few before we started selling, but each one I opened was a treasure.  We would take it out of the package, open it up, and there it would be; a hidden treasure just waiting to be discovered.  While looking at it you began to see the texture of the fabric and the pattern hidden beneath the design they dyed upon it.  It would peak through and say "look at me, I'm special, there are things about me that you don't notice at first, but they make me different."  Now this may get a little deep, but the scarves began to represent the woman who made each one.  Some were understated, muted, and then just when you thought it was boring - WHAM a glimmer of something would catch your eye and you would say that's incredible I didn't see that at first, but the more I study it the more I like it.  Some were bright, colorful, and full of life, almost too much and then you would see the pattern of something underneath that reveled a depth you almost missed.  It was a blessing to be able to tell the stories of these blessed women through the scarves that they created.  

Around 6, I said to Joy, we don't have too many left on the table, maybe we should get the rest out.  Thinking that we had only put half of the scarves on the table.  She looked at me and smiled with her eyebrow up and giving me a look of amusement that I have come to know through a life of getting this amused look - this is all of them.  I was shocked I couldn't believe how many scarves we had sold.  I had planned on having some left, to be able to sell them to those who couldn't make it, you know either here on my blog or via Facebook.  By the end of the night we had 5 scarves left.  Yep, 5!!  I couldn't believe it 5!!  I kept saying we only have 5 left, I can't believe it, 5!!  (I wish there was a way to capitalize the number 5 maybe that would convey my excitement a bit more.)  Actually, I think that all 5 have been spoken for now, so we totally sold out.  WE SOLD OUT!!  

On the way home, I was spent, emotionally and physically, but my mind it kept on working.  That day in Kansas City, we KNEW we had to do something and we acted, but in the back of my mind and probably Joy's too, was this little doubt.  What will we do if we don't sell any scarves?  I will have teacher gifts for eternity with 100 scarves, you have the Beekman kid, you'll get a scarf for Christmas.  I could be the Oprah of scarves at MOPS "You get a scarf and you get a scarf and you get a scarf ... You all get a scarf!!!!"  Driving to pick up my kids God started speaking into my head and heart, "It was me you heard at MomCon, you could have ignored me and kept going with your life the same way, but you acted and became my hands to the women represented by the 100 scarves.  It was ME, It was ME!!!"  I realized that it wasn't just me and Joy doing a good thing, but it was God working through us to do a God thing.  I know that I didn't save a life or change the world, or even make a huge donation, but I let God work through me to do HIS thing.  That was, really, the best thing I could have done, let God have this little thing to show me a big thing.  

The big thing is still being worked out, this is where I am today.  Not much would have changed if I would have never ventured behind the curtain at MomCon.  I would not have learned about these women or their families.  I would have finished the conference and wondered if I would ever find myself in the position to take a risk and do something.  But I did and God spoke and what I have learned is if you are willing, He will be there in it.  I learned if you will do something, just because you think that God might be putting it in your path on purpose, He will see it through no matter what it looks like at the end.  If you share what you have and are continuing to learn, people will respond and react and those actions are the hand of God.  

I don't know much, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that last Friday night my sister and I were part of a mighty work of God.  He took our small step and said I know you did this for me and so you girls are going to sell out, just to prove that I can use small things to make big change.  

I was able to contact our connection to India on Friday and she sent me some beautiful pictures of the MOPS India ladies.  What a gift to look into their faces and know that we have been a small part of their journey a world away.  I don't think that my journey with these moms is complete, but even if it is, I will always treasure the opportunity I had to sell their scarves and be a small part of their story.  Most importantly I have been able to hear God speak, then act on it, and then to be a part of something miraculous - we sold all our scarves.  We did something and God used it for good in my life, and in the lives of all involved.  Thanks to all of you who allowed this story to impact your life.  Thanks for praying with us and for buying a scarf.  Can't wait to see what God will do next.  

MOPS India

In October I and a group of 12 Harmony MOPS moms went to the MOPS convention aka MomCon for those who haven't been in MOPS for as long as I.  It was an incredible weekend.  Seriously, inspiring, convicting, encouraging, practical, exhausting ... I loved it.  I was able to go with some family, great friends, and some girls who have become great friends.  Being with Joy and Aunt Candy and the other ladies I'm not biologically connected to for 3 days and learning next to them was really a gift and a blessing.

As our weekend was nearing an end Joy and I were finishing up our shopping - they had an amazing resource area full of great stuff - we were in the MOPS area buying pens and other supplies for our group.  While waiting in line and browsing we saw a display of scarves and being Kelly girls were drawn in by the beautiful colors and patterns and the unique qualities each of these scarves had.  No two were alike.  We were looking them over and chatting about them when a lady dressed in a bright red sari came up behind us filming the display on her phone.  She asked if we liked the scarves and we both said yes and seeing the filming going on asked her to tell us about them.  She then said that moms from the new groups of Indian (like India the country - think Slumdog Millionaire) MOPS were making the scarves and she had brought enough scarves to sell so that they would be able to fund a website that would market MOPS India and sell their creations to help support the women in the group and the families they represented.  Wow!  This was the only thing like that in the MOPSshop.    She asked if we would like to take what she had left and sell them and send her the money later.  Wow! again.  We both said we'd love to help, but how would that work.  This is the when the American mentor to this beautiful Indian woman stepped in saying, she thinks that all American's are trustworthy and helpful and would never take advantage - but even though I'm sure you two are very nice, we know that isn't true, can you come back here and we will talk about it a bit more and I'll explain what is going on and help you figure out if you can help or not.  Smart lady.

Now I must add, we wandered in to shop after having just heard Jen Hatmaker talk about doing not just talking about the love of Christ.  Getting involved and getting your hands dirty to help people around the world.  Stop living in your safe bubble and raising your children to be safe and happy and start raising brave disciples of Jesus Christ.  Brave moms have brave kids.  Wow!  Do something, do something, do something.

So to say I was convicted and inspired and trying to digest all that at the very moment we stepped behind the curtain would be an understatement.  I want my kids to be brave and I want to be used by Jesus to help people, I just didn't know how.  I walked into that room not knowing how to help anyone, everyone I know is like me.  Raising safe and happy kids and worrying that I haven't given them enough discipline, opportunities ... you know all that rich in the world, but poor in the work stuff Americans drown in.

Behind the curtain of the MOPSshop i learned of a group of women, so poor and broken in spirit they are without hope and trapped in their situations.  They are in a culture where they are not valued, in fact daughters are a burden.  A baby girl represents half your earnings to be used in a dowry to pay someone to marry her, so a daughter is met with grief and fear for many families.  A son is celebrated and seen as a gift.  This is what is leading to so much sex trafficking and infanticide in India.  The thought of that broke my heart.  I thought of my own daughter and the joy she has been bringing us since the day she was born and my heart was sad that not every little girl is welcomed into her family.    We should all be welcomed, cherished, valued.  This view of girls seems to grow with them and their is very little value of a woman in the culture, she is valued by bringing a dowry, sons, and work into a home, but as a person has little worth.  Enter the woman in the beautiful red sari.

She is very respected and valued in her family and community and as you can probably guess she is not poor but she has a burden for the poor women living around her.  She must have heard Jen Hatmakers message before I did, because she decided to do something.  She met with a group of 80 women, much like her, who wanted change in India and they decided to start MOPS groups in their homes.  In the last six months 80 MOPS groups has grown into 6,000.  Each time a group outgrew the home they met in, about 15 moms, they started a new group.  That is 75,000 women who for the first time are being poured into instead of being taken from.  75,000 women who are finding their value to Jesus.  75,000 moms who are changing their view of themselves and changing their families.  75,000 women who want to do more than meet as a MOPS group, they want to work together to make change in their community and home.  What would you do if you were one of these women?  I'm not sure what I would do, but these women have begun to make scarves.

They are selling these scarves to start a website to market their scarves and maybe other items to sell to support their families and change their family, community, and hopefully culture.  More money means less girls in the sex trade and fewer girls falling victim to infanticide.  Maybe you can guess what happened next ... Joy and I looked at each other and said we are in - we want to help, but first we have a couple calls to make.

We had to see if we could sell the scarves at an open house that a group in our area has each year.  The Missional Mamas are a group of moms who wanted to do something and so they find a variety of goods to sell and send the money raised to support all the different groups who are creating the products.  There is jewelry, tshirts, scarves, clothing, bags, hair accessories ... the list is long, but the causes are great.  Sex trafficking, poverty, dirty water, abused and neglected women and children,  ... there is a world of problems out there, but this group of ladies found a way to do something.  They gladly welcomed our scarves into the mix and encouraged our desire to help.  The next call was a little harder to make, the hubbies.  We needed to put some money in to make it happen, that always requires a bit of discussion since neither of us have unlimited spending.  After Joy and I individually cried on the phones while telling Grant and Curtis the story of the Indian scarves and the women and girls behind them, they both said you need to do it and were willing to back it up with their wallets.  Wow!  We wrote a check and walked out with 100 scarves, feeling a bit crazy, but really excited to be able to get involved.

So here is where you come in, we need to sell these scarves to send the money to the MOPS India group.  We are doing something small, but it is what we can do.  Who knows what God will do with this step, we could sell no scarves or we could sell out.  I just knew that listening to the story, which I've only scratched the surface of sharing here, and looking at Joy we had to do something, and we did.  Do you want to buy a scarf?

It's been awhile ...

I know it's been nearly two and a half years, but I'm going to try to do this blog thing again.  I have been thinking about it a lot in the last six months.  I will be doing something and think I should write about this, and then ... life happens, I put it off, and wham - forget.  So I'll try again.   I could write about my lack of follow through, but I won't go there.  I will just try again.  

I love the process of writing and how it enables me to work through my thoughts, feelings, basically my stuff, so here we go again.  I wrote a bit in the last newsletter/Table Talk for MOPS and it felt so good, I need to keep it going.  God is really at work on some stuff in my heart, and has been for a while, so I guess I'll share it here with my 7 followers :) yep not a famous blogger here, but a woman who occasionally puts her words out into the void (vague movie reference) of the internet with no expectation that anyone will read it, but rather just to help myself find my own voice again.  

Here is what I wrote for our last MOPS.  It was something God has been working on in me.  I am going to finish my thoughts on the theme verse, hopefully you'll see it on this blog :) and probably will share it in the next Table Talk (our MOPS meeting notes/newsletter).

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 (NLT) - 

This verse has been on my mind since I saw it in our MOPS theme materials last spring.  I remember thinking, I really like that, but masterpiece is that me?  I continue to think, masterpiece, ME?  I’m just a mom, surviving more than thriving the journey to adulthood that I’m now guiding, but still feel like I’m traveling.  In the last few weeks and months God has been working on the masterpiece mindset in me.  I’ve been trying to really digest this verse and what I think God is trying to tell me, although I admit, I’m stuck on the beginning.  (What’s that song, let’s start at the very beginning - a very good place to start …) I finally made it to that duh place, the Bible, isn’t it funny how sometimes you are working through a verse or something someone says and instead of going straight to the source first you try to figure it out on your own.  Rarely does this end well, start at the source. 

Ephesians 2:10 just happens to fall right after Ephesians 2:8-9, you Awana veterans you know this: “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and [h]that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.”  To hear, right after the gift of salvation, that I am God’s masterpiece clicks.  Why is it hard for me to see myself the way God sees me. This took me, somehow, to how I think about my own children, they are getting old enough that they are beginning to be critical of themselves and how they measure up to those around them.  What do I see?  A masterpiece, sure they are flawed and have failures, but I see them through my mom eyes and no matter what else, they are a beautiful masterpiece and those flaws and failures make them unique and special.  That is how God sees me, and you.  We are his children, his masterpiece.  Somewhere in my heart I heard God whisper, My grace through Jesus removed the mess, so I can see you, my masterpiece.

MomCon was an incredible time for me, some things God has been working on in me are starting to come together.  There were so many messages that I’ve been finding all over my life in the last months, I may finally be getting it.  There was a song that was repeated over and over and instead of getting sick of it, I GOT it.  “You make beautiful things,You make beautiful things out of the dust, You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of us, You make me new, You are making me new, You make me new, You are making me new.”  A message God has been working on in me, somewhere in that song it came singing out of my heart, “even me, You made a beautiful thing out of even me”.  In order for me to hear the other messages He had for me, I had to get to the place where I realize and embraced that I can be His Masterpiece. - Rebekah’s Rambling …