February 19th

As we creep up on the 19th of February, I always go back in time to when Michael was an only child.  Life was simpler.  My family was growing, the dream of Adah was beginning to form and I had 2 nieces and a nephew within a year and a half.  We were adjusting to Dad being gone, and then WHAM another dime moment.  (When life turns on a dime - don't know that I am the originator of this phrase, but I do use it like it's my own, it just seems to describe those life changing moments perfectly.)

February 19th, 2007 we found out my sweet 15 month old niece Shaelynn had brain cancer and was beginning to battle for her future and my baby brother Drew, was forced into bravely growing up and dealing with the unthinkable.  I watched and tried to help as Drew and Samantha fought to keep their sweet girl and wondered how they could keep going.

February 19, 2008 the dreaded call came Shaelynn's healing had come, but not in the way we wanted, in the only complete way it could, through the end of this life and the beginning of her eternal life.

Never will February 19th be the same, it will always be Shaelynn's day.  I will never be the same and I was just an aunt.  I still think of her every day.  Michael still talks about her and we wonder what she would be like today.  Oh, how I wish things would have turned out differently.  I imagine that smile and big brown eyes and selfishly wish that we had more time ...

I have learned that I can believe that God is good and wants the best for  us, even when I don't understand His plan, His purpose, or His process.  I have watched Drew and Sam grow closer and stronger after dealing with too many unspeakable losses.  They have continued to show grace and joy, even when the questions are so big and all consuming.  They have faith that many claim to have, but is never tested.  I admire their strength and courage and will always be grateful to have been able to witness true love.  Cancer still sucks and I still don't get it, but I know that my sweet niece is in heaven and is perfectly healed, someday I will know what perfect healing is and I will once again hear that little laugh and know that I am really in heaven.  Until then, February 19 is her day and I will miss her.