I wish that it was a great memory that brought July 10th to mind, but it's a sad one. The day Dad left his earthly home and headed for glory, suddenly and by surprise for us, but as all things - according to God's plan. I still don't understand why God stole him away from us and I probably never will, but I knew then and hold dear now that God can still be sovereign even when I don't get it.
What kind of God do you want to serve? A God that you always understand and predict or one that knows more than you, can see farther than you, and is willing to go against your plan, even when it's hard, to put His perfect plan into action. I want my God to be bigger than me, know more than me, and is able to do His work in His time - otherwise, God is just like you - what kind of God is that? Weak!! My God is not weak!!
Don't you remember the sunday school song? "My God is so BIG!! So strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do."
Losing Dad was the hardest thing I've ever gone through and it could have ruined me, but I think it strengthened me. I look back and realize that his death made me more prepared for life's ups and downs, the joy and the sorrow. I have learned to take a step back and take things as they come - well, I'm still learning that. I realized that I wanted to be like him, a lover a people and God, not perfect, but always trying, learning, growing. How much time do we waste on the "important" things in life, only to miss the truth - God gives us all a certain number of days and when they are up, what did our life stand for? Was it for Him and the things He loves or was it seeking after other stuff?
One of the greatest gifts and comforts right after his death and continuing to this day was the unshakable knowledge he gave me. He loved me. - I knew it. He knew I loved him - I knew that too. I will see him again - I KNOW it!! That is an unwavering comfort and an incredible gift. I could rest in it and when nothing else was known, I knew those three things. There were times when the loneliness was overwhelming, but I thought of those three things and could somehow cling to hope. I didn't want to grieve as one with no hope. I had hope and I had those three things.
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 (ESV)
13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. 15 For this we declare to youby a word from the Lord,[a] that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.
I miss him all the time and long for his words, stories (tall tales), hugs, smells, songs, and laughter, but these are all things I hope to get again when we meet in heaven - well, maybe not the smells. (Are there smells in heaven - a lot of his smells came from sweat and the things to cover up the sweat - HAHA a sweaty Kelly man, how can it be? Is there sweat in heaven? Oh, but that sweat was sweet to me.) Looking forward to that blessed day of being reunited and with our God. In the meantime I will savor those moments when a few of those Dad things come my way as if a gift from Heaven. I have had a few times when I hear or read his words, re-tell a story, catch a smell, hear one of his songs, or the lilt of someone's laughter is similar and those are tear-filled and treasured moments. Maybe today I will get one of those moments ...Love you Dad and can't believe that 11 years can feel like forever and yesterday at the same time.
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