I know it has been forever. I didn't know how long until I opened this up to write tonight. August seems long ago, but wasn't it last week?
Today was my first day with a 5 year old. I know that many cheer about a child progressing in age, but I am not one of those people. Don't get me wrong I want him to grow into a loving, productive, mature man - I just want to hang on to the moments that I have with him now when he is a boy. My boy.
I know it is silly, but there is just a difference in my mind between four and five. When you are four, you are still a toddler, nearly all your needs are met by your family, you haven't figured out what "cool" is yet - you may say "cool" but you don't get it and your mind has not yet been warped by the seeking of "cool". At five, you are a boy. Your independence grows. Kindergarten is in the near future and with that is the beginning of looking to others to find your identity. "Cool" now has a definition and a voice. Your mom rarely qualifies as "cool" no matter what shoes she wears.
There is such a short amount of time to try to impress on a child what is important and what is not, that on days like this, the day it takes all the fingers on one hand to show his age, you wonder if you have done anything right. Have you done enough to prepare him for what lies ahead? There are more questions than answers. Then the Awana verses come back to you like waves to encourage.
Proverbs 22:6: Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Matthew 6:34 do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (my Aunt Karen, told me to embroider this on a pillow - love that)
In short: I have loved the first 5 years of his life and can't wait to see what the future brings. I know that life is precious and want to make sure that I am not a life waster, but a savorer (is that a word? - If not, it should be). As I cling to his childhood, I am really trying to force myself to really prepare him for what is to come, but feel that the time is short. In his short life, he never knew my father, but has welcomed a new grandfather. He has lost a cousin, but has gained seven. He has had 3 x-rays and 2 CT scans, but has great health. He has gone from being the center of our home, to sharing and loving his sister. He has gone from dreading kindergarten and declaring that he just won't go, tolooking forward to it and talking about it daily. There is a lot that he has experienced already, but so much more to come. Won't it be fun to watch as he discovers who he is and what God has planned for him? I want to look at what comes next with excitement, yet cherish the moments that we have already shared. Will that constant activity and inquiry slow down, or will this be the driving force of his personality and purpose? I can't wait to see where life takes him, and me as I grow with him.
Lord, Thank you for chosing Michael for me before the beginning of time. Thank you for teaching me through a child, things that I haven't been able to learn on my own. Thank you for trusting me to be a mother and through you try to grow these children into who You want them to be. Please help me as I screw up more than I get it right, use it all for Your good and Your purpose. Help me to teach them to be gentle but not weak, strong but not mean, confident but not arrogant, generous but not wasteful, and always loving quick to share love, accept love, and speak love.
