Thanksgiving ...

It's a long one and late :) due to some computing and timing issues - nothing major, just not the way I'd planned.  I started it last week, before thanksgiving.

I love Thanksgiving!!  It seems like the only holiday that is truly what it says it is: a day to be thankful.  For us, it seems like it's the one holiday that is pretty relaxed and about God, family, and country.  (Is there a normal order for that?  Seems like I have it wrong, but it's the order that works best for me, and since I'm writing this I get to pick.)  I love the hospitality of having a big shindig and going all out for family, friends, and those you find who need someone to act as family and friend.  I've never hosted, so maybe my mind would be changed if it was ever my house opened up, but I would if mom gave it up or the Beekman's wanted to travel here.  I love taking some time to speak your thanks to those you are most thankful for.  I love hanging out and watching football, playing games, and chatting.  I love going home exhilarated and exhausted from spending the day talking, eating, playing, watching, laughing, eating, and all the other things you rarely take time out to do.  Why do we only have these awesome days a couple times a year?

I have loved reading my friends daily gratitude's on Facebook and meant to do it, but I forgot about it until 3 days in and then thought, I'll catch up tomorrow.  Guess what, I forgot again and put it off again, and then WHAM!! it's the 20somethingth, and then it's too late and seemed weird to try to catch up then, soooo ... I'll just do it here.

1. I'm so thankful for the grace of God.  It has pulled me through too many times to count.  It is only through Gods grace that I have any of my blessings and have been rescued from my mistakes and escaped the consequences I so deserve.  I can see God's grace in each aspect of my life and hope thatno matter what I go through I can see His grace, but I have learned that you can only find it when you are willing to look.
2. Curtis - he showed up in my life just when I thought it was time to give up finding the right guy  and WHAM everything changed.  He encourages me to be my best, but has loved me at my worst.  We have celebrated the greatest blessings in life together and mourned great losses.  What would life be without him, I hope I never have to find out.
3. Michael - my firstborn, he is an introspective and thoughtful boy.  He makes me laugh and has surprised me with his thoughts and ideas about so many things in the world.  He still snuggles with me and I am clinging to his boyishness, knowing that too soon it will be gone.
4. Adah Kay - my pixie girl.  She has a secret delight in her eyes most of the time.  She is a twirling, sparkly, mud puddle lover.  She is a little girl and loves it.  She is chatty and fun loving, loves learning new things and would live nothing more than just tell you what she thinks and how it should be done.  She has insights abou the wonder of God and helps us all join her in that wonder and brings us back to what matters most.
5. Gideon - my formerly Chibalicious toddler boy.  He has a contagious smile.  He is the reason we are building a fence.  He has a pull to be outside, it's nearly magnetic, boundaries are good for him, he likes to push them a bit.  Each day he is learning and loves to play.  What would I do without the boy who asks questions and taught me that control was an illusion?
6. Dad - he was taken from us before we were ready, but really, when would I have been ready to lose him?  He taught me so many things as I grew up and even after he was gone.  I miss him daily and wish my children would have know Grandpa Mike.  God knew what was best for him and I know he hasn't been lonely in heaven.  I look around and see others with their dads and sometimes I get a bit jealous, but then I think, would I trade my dad for any other dad and the answer is always no.  I had my dad for 29 years and knew without question that he loved me and our family, he loved and served God and many others, and I lost him suddenly but without the struggle that sometimes is there when a relationship has been fractured.  He was not perfect,for sure, I could write about his imperfections, but he was the man chosen to be my dad and I wouldn't trade him for a dad that would live until I'm an old lady.  
7. Mom - a woman who is stronger than she knows.  She taught me to love my kids and roll with it.  She allowed me to be who I was and listened, a lot, and still does.  My mom has faced many losses, disappointments, and her faith has remained strong.  She believes that God is good and has a plan, even when times are hard and family is important even when they drive you crazy.  She laughs a lot, works and plays hard, teaches as she goes, expects your best, and shows love and grace to everyone she meets.  (Well, most everyone - we do have a few stories of her frustrations showing, but they are all funny and not disrespectful - honestly, they cracking me up just thinking of them now.)
8. Sarah - my sister and my friend.  She has know me most of my life and knows my secrets and can tell when I'm not telling the whole story.  She is generous and is growing more and more confident with each year.  She still surprises me.  I wish she lived next door.  I could talk to her everyday.  
9. Tim - my brother in Wisconsin.  I don't see or talk to him enough.  I'm proud to be his sister.   Freckle faced and fair strawberry blondes - with him I fit.  In our family we looked different than our dark haired, dark eyed siblings, but that was fun.  I've always been a fan of his and continue to root for him and proudly tell people I'm his sister.  I love that our oldest boys are only 6 weeks apart and love each other and have such fun together.  Tim has always been more than a brother, he's my friend and I cherish any time I get to sit, talk, and laugh with him.
10. Drew - my baby brother.  I was in kindergarten when he was born and I adored him from the very start.  He was beautiful as a baby and was such a snuggler - still loves a good back rub and scratch.  He has faced incredible loss and has bravely and boldly faced them head on clinging to God and his wife.  What could have destroyed him, made him stronger and I will always respect and cherish that about him.  
11. Joy - my little sister Baby Joy.  I was 10 when she was born and have been blessed to be close to her.  I am territorial about her and feel a bit motherly, which she doesn't understand at all, but she was the baby not the oldest.  I know I'm not the only oldest child who feels that way about their siblings - it's a Number 1 thing.  Joy fits her name and she definitely brought joy to our family the day she arrived and ever since, she continues to bring joy wherever she goes.  She is a bit fearless and has an I can figure it out attitude.  She is creative and interesting.  She is a great friend and I love our time together.  
12. The Beekman's - I am not their daughter and am probably not the dream daughter in law, but I am thankful for the influence they have had on my life.  They helped shape my sweet Curtis into the man he is and for that I will be forever grateful.  They love my kids and it is a treat each time we get to go to Wisconsin to visit.  They go out of their way to make each of them feel special and important.  The Beekman's have been a family that I am proud to join.
13. Extended family - aunts, uncles, cousins ... but all friends.  I have a great family and in a dream world I would get to see them more regularly.  I love it when we are able to catch up and I can hear stories from the past.  I always leave and wish I'd brought a recorder so I could have all the history available to listen to again.  I have learned so much from them people God chose for my life and can't imagine life without them.  Sometimes I wish I had tons of money so I could bring all these people together for a week and just spend all that time enjoying them and God's blessings on us.  
14. Harmony Bible Church - the place where I was introduced to Jesus and the place that continues to help me grow that relationship.  I have been a Harmonite all my life and wouldn't have it any other way.  I have watched many changes happen, some were easy, some were not, but I have to say they were all part of helping to grow my faith.  I love being in the church my dad served in, even though not many people remember him anymore, I still know he was a part of making that church what it is and am so glad to be a part of the same ministries with my children.
15. MOPS - Harmony Bible Church MOPS saved me.  I don't know where I would be today with the group of women in my MOPS group.  They have gathered around to support me when I needed it, they have laughed with and at me, they have let me be a part of a group when I felt lost and alone.  I'm thankful daily of for all that MOPS has brought into my life
16. Long time friends - I have a few friends who have been cornerstones in my life.  I don't know where I would be without them.  They are people who didn't think twice, but came when Dad died.  I didn't ask them, they were just there, crying with me and reminding me of all that really mattered.  They were there when I thought I'd never marry and were so happy for me when I met Curtis and cheered the day we married and have been rejoicing with me each time we have brought a baby home.  Sometimes we talk often and sometimes it's ages between conversations, but it never really changes.  The love and support is always there.  If I didn't have them where would I be? 
17. New friends - who new you could make real, true, new friends at this time in life.  I thought I was done with that part of my life, but have been given the gift of new true friends.  It's such a blessing.  There is something about doing life together that bonds people and I am getting the opportunity to do that with some great women.  It has been a blessing to just be a part of a group of women who look at life in a similar way and are respectful about differences.  
18. Southeast Iowa - I love this midwestern home of mine.  I find the countryside lovely and the smells funny.  I like that traffic problems involve tractors and farmers instead of careless people.  I like the ever changing weather.  I like the people who wave regardless of knowing you or not.  I love being close enough to get to the city and enjoy all it's benefits, but not having to deal with one daily.  I like the Hawkeyes and don't hate the Cyclones - I just want us to represent our state well.  I like that the expectation is hard work.  I like that my family has been here for generations and that with every introduction comes a genealogy.  
19. My home, I am not in my dream home, and don't know that I ever will be, but this imperfect home is where Curtis and I started our life together, where we brought our babies home to, and where we are building our family.  It has so many flaws and feels small some days, but it is our home.  I know it is just a building and I would happily survive if we lost it somehow, but I am thankful for this place, our place.  The memories it contains are priceless and those who live and visit here are irreplaceable.  I do wish I had more storage :) but I am making do without it.
20. Efficient washer and dryer - I know it's a thing and the most important things in life aren't things ... but I love being able to start and finish washing and drying clothes in the same day.  With my old washer and dryer I would do laundry all week, it took so long to get it dry, but then a new red set moved into my laundry room and changed the day to day look of my life.  Laundry is still a chore, but I no longer dread it.  Now folding it, that's a different thing entirely, I could fold every day, but washing and drying is so much easier now.
21. My van - 2006 Toyota Sienna.  Like so many things it has seen better days and there are newer and better models out there, but I love my van.  I never thought I would be a van person, but gas mileage and storage won me over.  I feel safe as I drive and ride mostly back and forth to the grocery store, school, and church.  I feel grateful because it's paid for.  I feel thankful because so many would love to be driving my old van and I too often take it for granted.  
22. Peanut Butter - what is better than peanut butter?  I have no more words.
23. Diet Pepsi/Coke (whichever is on sale) - please don't preach to me about the harm and hazards of my vice.  I don't do that to you.  I don't drink coffee, I don't smoke, I try to use very few processed foods, so I drink diet brown soda and I don't feel guilty about it.  
24. Music - I love music.  I learn through music, God speaks to me through music, I pray when I sing, I find the right words to my emotions with the right song.  I love listening to music and singing, usually in my kitchen or my car, not really for anyone else just for me and God.  I love that my family loves music to and we get to enjoy it as a family. 
25. Learning - I may be a dumb nerd, but I love going to classes and leaving having learned something new.  I'm not claiming to be a genius or even particularly smart, I just love learning.  I am not learning big things, but things that matter to me and my life.  I love thinking of things in new ways and sharing those things with people I think would like it to.  I get excited about seminars and conferences, I'm weird, I know it, but I'm okay with it.
26. Loss - there are people you never want to loose, but then you do, it's what happens after that I am thankful for.  I have lost loved ones and I would give anything to get them back even for a moment, but knowing that it isn't possible you have to try to go on.  You are never the same, but you have a choice in your turn on a dime moment, bitter or better.  In loss I have learned things I never would have learned in keeping.  I learned to cherish time and let go of little things.  I learned that God is good even when you don't understand.  I learned that people are little glimpses of God's love and grace and that true healing is only accomplished by God, in his time, and only in heaven.  I learned that if we allow God to strengthen, people are stronger than anyone could imagine - you can't make it on your own and come out better at the other end.  When we try to go it alone, bitter is where we end.  Bitter is a waste of your life and a dishonor to those you lost.  
27. Cooking, baking, frying, broiling, roasting, microwaving - anything with me and a recipe in the kitchen.  I like trying a new twist on an old thing.  Curtis laughs annoyedly because I rarely set a timer, how long will it be he asks, oh when it looks and smells done I answer.   I like it when people like what I have made and eat it all.  I don't ever want to run out or have a hungry person at my table.  I like cooking shows, but I wish there were one that showed the season of life I'm in ... a mom trying to make a meal, representing most of the food groups using unprocessed food, trying to figure out a new recipe with all the interruptions that family life represents and success or failure the family eats together and finds nourishment, laughter, and love around the table in their sometimes messier than she would like home.  What do you think?  Anyone going to pick up that show on the cooking channel?
28. Talk Radio - brain food.  The only regular adult and thoughtful interaction I get in my daily life is Moody Radio.  I love talk radio, maybe that stems from being the daughter of a farmer turned truck driver, but I like to hear ideas and conversations.  I love Rush, Dave Ramsey, and so many of the Moody Radio programs, especially Janet Parschal.  I don't always get to watch the news, but I keep up on the happenings in the world through talk radio.  When I left an adult world and came into my home for a career I was longing for some thoughtful interaction and went back to talk radio, something I'd grown up on, but hadn't found the time for being busy most of the peak talk radio times.  I'm so grateful for the things that teach me, fire me up, confirm or challenge my beliefs, and make me laugh.
29. Cardigan sweaters - I'm a nerd I know.  But I really love a cardigan, in fact I wear one most days.  I have one on now.  I carry them with me in the summer - you never know if you will need it.  I wear one almost daily in the winter.  I feel like they are the perfect part of any outfit.  They are great to cover stains on a shirt and you can dress them up or down.  You can even sleep in them.  They are a staple in my wardrobe.  I sometimes feel like I should try to wear other things, but why, a cardigan is classic, simple, and easy.
30. Words - my grandmother told me I have the gift of gab.  She was right.  I think in words, I relate in words, I express every thing in me in words.  I write, I read, I talk, I sing - take away words and I don't know what I would do.  I love reading and am so glad that God made me a word person.  Nothing is more frustrating than not being able to find the right words to explain something, so I just keep trying until I get it write.  Sometimes I don't find them until after you walk away, but eventually in my mind I can let it go because I found the right words.  I am wounded by words and I understand by words.  I love watching my kids develop their words.  Words are part of my existence and finding myself at a loss for words is rare.  Can't you tell, look at how long this blog is!!!  Geesh, no one will read this, but I'm doing it for me not you.  Thank God for giving me the words to express so many things I'm grateful for and to know that I am only just beginning.