Does anyone else have things in life that seem like and eternity ago and yesterday all at the same time? I sure do. I am not sure if it is good or bad, but it seems to be my reality. Mine seem to be wrapped in loss and grief.
Today is the 1 year anniversary of my niece's death. (Is that even the right way to phrase that?) This one year has seemed like years and looking back it is like yesterday. Does that make any sense? When I think of seeing and holding her it is so long ago, but when I think about how I miss her and how I feel about losing her it is like yesterday.
It still sucks.
Shaelynn Sue, such a sweet girl, in fact that is what Michael still calls her, "our sweet girl". She was taken from us too soon and too young after battling the horrors of brain cancer for one year. I am not sure if it will ever seem right or fair that at 15 months a brain tumor was found and that at 27 months she would die.
It still sucks.
I just know that God has a plan and this was it. Now some of you may want to say "All things work together for good . . ." and while I do believe it is true, I also believe that it is okay for me to say it still sucks.
God sees a bigger picture than I do, in fact I believe he made the picture. But that doesn't mean that I understand or don't wish that things had worked out differently. I think that God understands that. He knows my mind and my heart better than I do, He created me (and all of us) to not know or understand everything. If we had it all figured out what would we need Him for? I am glad that He knows the plan and purpose of all things in life good and bad.
One day I may even see the big picture, but I still miss her and it still sucks.
I know that some of you will not be shocked by this, but there is a Jill Phillips song that I love and that fits where I am at now. "I believe though its hard sometimes You are the resurrection and the life."
That chorus plays in my head all the time. I need it's constant reminder, even though it still sucks. I believe that He is the resurrection and the life and through that belief I know that Shaelynn is healed and is with my dad and her grandma Carol and one day we will all be together again. Until that day . . . You are the resurrection and the life.
