What a week . . . Joy

Well, here it is . . . the week Joy gets married. 

You know it is still strange.  Isn't your little sister supposed to stay "little"?  It wasn't this weird to see any of my other siblings get married, but Baby Joy, now that is just weird. 

To me it is that thing that you knew would happen one day, but are surprised when that day actually gets here.  Well, for me that day is nearly here.  And then suddenly, there she is, a bride, a wife, a grown up.  I don't know if she will ever be a "grown up" in my mind.  She will be 87 and have 43 great grand children and I will still be think of her Baby Joy and say things like, now you have plenty of time don't rush it, and telling all her babies stories of her youth.  HELLO if Joy is 87 I will be, uuuuhhh a few months older than that :)

I am so glad to be able to be a part of this new beginning with her.  What a blessing it is to have a sister that is _____ years younger than me and have her be one of my very best friends, definitely in my top 10 favorite people in the world.  It has been fun to watch everything come together for her wedding, but more fun to watch her begin to build a marriage.  Which is so much more important than a great party, don't get me wrong, I will be dancing and eating cake, but I want to do it again in 50 years to celebrate their golden anniversary. 

Once in a young lifetime one should be allowed to have as much sweetness as one can possibly want and hold. ~ Judith Olney


Marriage advice, from a virtual beginner in marriage - only nearly 8 years, but 8 great years. (Love my sweet Curty.) 
1)  Realize that the thing that you love about him will become the thing that drives you CRAZY.  Just try to remember that you chose this and find the good about it.  Go back to that moment when you first got together and you thought it was the greatest thing and smile and laugh and find ways to admire that "thing" whatever it is, again.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~ Germaine Greer

2) Learn to laugh.  There will be times when it is hard to find the fun, but you need to search it out.  A home filled with laughter is easier to live in.  Sharing memories, stories, movies, books, music, . . . are great ways to share laughter.  Laugh at yourself, when the smoke alarm goes off say "dinner's ready". 

Let all thy joys be as the month of May, and all thy days be as a marriage day. ~Francis Quarles


3) Share your warning signs.  We all have signs that things are about to get "serious".  Make sure that Grant knows your tells.  Otherwise he is just sitting there watching ESPN and you are banging around in the kitchen and suddenly out of nowhere you begin talking to yourself and there it is meltdown, he asks what you're having for dinner and WHAMO - he didn't even know there was a line and there he is dancing on the other side of it.  Not that I would know this is helpful hint by personal experience, I must have read it in a book or something.

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up. ~ Ogden Nash

4) Brag on him.  Nothing will get him more on your side than when he feels like you are with him and for him, all the time and completely.  Not to mention the side benefit of saying it out loud helps you to really know and believe it to be true.  So when you are tempted to go negative, not that you will be, but if you are you will remember all the truth  you have shared with others about him, his character, his goals, his clothes and you will know it was all exactly on the money about him and just what you need to remember to turn the other way on Downer Drive. 

Come, let's be a comfortable couple and take care of each other! How glad we shall be, that we have somebody we are fond of always, to talk to and sit with. ~Charles Dickens

5) It seems like there should be 5 things, I didn't mean to go to 5, but if you have a 4 part thing you need the 5th just to make it feel finished.  Maybe that is just me.  So for the 5th I will go a bit more spiritual.  Know God and know Grant.  You have to do both, or you will be missing out on the greatest part of marriage.  I know that it is weird, because a lot of people will tell you it is the S*#, that is up at the top of the list, but not in the top spot.  If you know God and are always growing in that relationship, He will pull you closer to Grant.  And if you know Grant and are always growing to know him better, since you picked a godly husband, he will be pulling you closer to God.  That kind of intimacy and vulnerability will make the S*# better - bonus. 

Grow old with me! The best is yet to be. ~Robert Browning

I love you Baby Joy and I am glad you picked Grant.  I am blessed to be a part of your wedding and will be a huge fan of your marriage.  I can't wait to see where God will take you and what your life together will bring.  Is is still a bit weird that you are getting married, but now it would be weird if you didn't.  So in case you were unsure I am proud of you and so glad that God made us sisters. 

I didn't start this as a heart felt letter to Joy, it just turned into that.  I just went back and added the marriage quotes, I love those kind of things.   Hope that is okay with the 2 people that read this.  :)

Tonight was Michael's last pre-school conference.  Incredible.  Where has the time gone?  There are too many adjectives to describe my Michael.  He is just a fun and funny boy, I enjoy him daily.  I know I am his mom, but seriously, he is one of my favorite people.  There is just something about a kid who loves every minute of being a boy and brings in a dandelion bouquet with these words Mom, do you know why I bring you these pretty flowers?  Because I want to show you I love you.  He melts my heart while I work out the stains in his clothes and wonder how every pair of pants has hole's in the knees. 

My prayer with and for him will continue to be: Lord keep his heart soft and kind, make him a good friend who seeks the good in others, befriends many, help him to learn to work it out without using his gifts for selfishness, and help his inquisitive mind to continue to grow through all the questions he asks and all the details he remembers.  Help me be the mother he needs me to be in order for him to grow into the man God plans for him to be.

Bedtime

Okay, so it is 1:30, again.  Why do I always see the a.m. come across my clock?  I would like to be one of those early to bed early to rise people.  BUT, I am not. 

The house is quiet.  I procrastinated.  In my rush to finish and get to bed before the a.m. I have seen both of my sweet children.  Which only prolongs the length it takes to get anything done.  They seem to have a special alarm that triggers when mom is in a time crunch. 

BING!!! Now is the perfect time to have a nightmare, Mom is trying to get stuff done and would love the chance to hold me. 

Actually, it usually does happen at just the right time.  It really gives me the opportunity to evaluate where I am at with things.  What is important?  How much do I really NEED to do this?  How long will it take to get it done?  What can I not do and still be done?  All those things that in the business of finishing stuff up, I loose sight of.  Funny how you see the big picture after midnight.

Also funny, how my husband does not hear a child crying across the hall, but I can hear the same cry down the stairs on the opposite side of the house at my computer or cleaning the kitchen.  Men.  Gotta love them. 

Adah's Eyes

What a blessing to go to a doctor for a check up and find that instead of the worst case being our reality, it was the best case.  Thanks you God.  What a blessing. 

Just to catch you up on Adah's eyes, here is the story from the beginning.  About a year ago the Lion's Club came to MOPS and took pictures of the kid's eyes.  They send these pictures to the University of Iowa and they study the pictures and can find certain eye problems just from the picture.  Crazy I know, something about how the flash reflects in the pupil/retna. So, Adah's came back with a recommendation to see a doctor, they had detected a possible astigmatism and far-sightedness.  Smart people.  Amazing. 

Here is a little back story to the Lion's Club, when they contacted our MOPS group about coming for this vision screening, I, being on the steering team said, do these things ever come back that there is a problem?  I mean is this really something we need to do?  When I got the notice in the mail, I was a bit worried but glad that we had done it.  A God thing, don't you think?

We took her to my eye doctor, who has little experience with children, much less infants, Adah was nearly one.  After several frustrating visits, some of my great mom friends on the steering team with me suggested that I call the University of Iowa and get an appointment with them, they have a nationally known opthamology department.  Amazingly, they were able to squeeze us in that next week, which I now know was a God thing, it normally takes months to get an appointment.  We went for our first visit in June, the day after her 1st birthday.  They did a thorough exam, I was amazed at the difference when you go to a doctor who specializes in children.  She does have an astigmatism and was at the high end of normal for her farsightedness, but at that time glasses weren't needed.

Jump ahead to early January.  Suddenly we began to notice that her eye was crossing, this is one of the warning signs that something had changed in her vision, so we called the U immediately.  It was a two month wait to get in to see them.  Her eye continued to cross and it was hard to wait, when you feel like something needs to happen now.  Just wait 'til Obama care hits. 

Finally it was March 1 and we went to our appointment, 2 hours later with dialated eyes we find that her farsightedness has increased dramatically which is causing the crossing.  Basically when she wants to see something she has to focus really hard to see it, then her eye crosses, and then her brain shuts that eye off.  The more she focuses the more she crosses and the more likely it will be that her brain will just decide not to use that eye.  Scary, I know.  The first step is glasses to determine if it is just the farsightedness or something more, then patching, then finally eye surgery.  We left that appointment praying that the glasses would come in quickly, do you know how hard it is to find infant glasses and someone who actually knows how to fit them?  Neither did I, but I do now.  We were also praying that the glasses would do the trick and there would not be a next to worry about. 

Today we went for our check up and our prayers were answered.  Adah's eyes are doing well, she had the best case scenario.  What a blessing, the glasses are working.  We go back in September to check them again.  But, until then we are so thankful for the discovery of her eye issues and the ability to help her with them.  She likes her glasses, keeps them on pretty well, we are on our second pair, broken after 32 days, but she knows they help her see.  Which has made her a much happier girl.  I can't help but wonder, what she would be like if this hadn't been found so early in her life and how many times we will have to replace her glasses before September. 

Sorry for any spelling errors, I can't seem to find the spell check. 

Happy Valentine's Day

I am waiting for the oil to get hot enough to fry up these heart shaped donuts for tomorrow. 

I love Valentines Day.  It is giving me the opportunity to use up some of the red frosting that is left over from that Mack cake I made for Michael's birthday.  :)

That isn't the only reason, but right now clearing out the fridge is looking like a great goal for the week.  I don't think I have been able to just put stuff away in there since Christmas.  It is all of this juggling - I hate that. 

No deep thoughts, but just thought I should update since I have the time, I mean really how much time can you devote to looking at Facebook.  :)  Too MUCH!!

So here are some cute and funny things happening around here.  Michael is terrible at secrets, I hope that remains true about him until he has graduated from college.  Today he came upstairs to tell me what he did when he went with Daddy and Adah uptown.  He describe the card he picked out in detail and told me I would really like it, because it was so cute.  Funny.  Last night he called the Northwestern Wildcats, the wild west cats.  Adah won't call him by name, but just calls him brother all the time.  She is constantly wanting a "NACK" (snack in kid speak).  She seems to have stopped calling Curtis "nunny", which I couldn't figure out for the longest time, because she says Daddy too.  Then I heard it right after I had called for him, it is Honey.  Too cute.  I hope she will pick it up again, it made me smile every time.

We went shopping yesterday and I was totally pumped about my purchases.  I take $50 for each child out when winter and summer clothes hit the clearance, to buy ahead for next year.  I spent it all in one store at one time.  I called Curtis to tell him about my deals, and all he could say was you spent it all . . . today . . . in one store . . . Proudly I said YES, but I am now DONE!!!  I should tell you Curtis's theory and in that explain the vast difference between us. He says that men see the number, you spent how much, but women see the savings, by spending this much today I saved hundreds of dollars. Isn't that true? He sees the number I see the deal. Let me tell you what my $101.03 bought.  For Michael: 6 school pants, 2 dress pants, 4 t-shirts, 2 sweatshirts, 2 dress up shirts, 1 sweater, 2 pajamas, 1 pair black dress shoes.  For Adah: 1 coat, 1 hat, 2 dresses, 3 pants, 4 tops, 1 sweater, 2 tights, 1 pair socks, 7 pajamas.  (I didn't realize that I had bought 7 pj's for her, until after, but they were only $1.99 each and I had a 15% off coupon - maybe I can give some away, who doesn't love nice pj's, they don't have to know that they were only $1.70)  Isn't that a lot for the money.  We are looking at the mountain of grow into clothes on the ottoman right now.  I need to get them all tucked away, but I haven't gotten to it yet.  Too many other projects today.


Speaking of other projects I should finish those donuts and get my house tidied up so it isn't too embarrasing when the sitter comes tomorrow so my sweet Curty, my Valentine and I can go out on our date.  I bet he orders some kind of seafood.  Love that man. 

Have a great Valentines Day and make sure that the ones you love know your love and find it in everything.  Do something, say something, find the way that they will best experience your love and do it.  Time is short, tomorrow is not guaranteed, but you have this moment.  Make it count.  (I do get philosphical after midnight.)

Michael is 5

I know it has been forever.  I didn't know how long until I opened this up to write tonight.  August seems long ago, but wasn't it last week?

Today was my first day with a 5 year old.  I know that many cheer about a child progressing in age, but I am not one of those people.  Don't get me wrong I want him to grow into a loving, productive, mature man - I just want to hang on to the moments that I have with him now when he is a boy.  My boy. 

I know it is silly, but there is just a difference in my mind between four and five.  When you are four, you are still a toddler, nearly all your needs are met by your family, you haven't figured out what "cool" is yet - you may say "cool" but you don't get it and your mind has not yet been warped by the seeking of "cool".  At five, you are a boy.  Your independence grows.  Kindergarten is in the near future and with that is the beginning of looking to others to find your identity.  "Cool" now has a definition and a voice.  Your mom rarely qualifies as "cool" no matter what shoes she wears. 

There is such a short amount of time to try to impress on a child what is important and what is not, that on days like this, the day it takes all the fingers on one hand to show his age, you wonder if you have done anything right.  Have you done enough to prepare him for what lies ahead?  There are more questions than answers.  Then the Awana verses come back to you like waves to encourage. 

Proverbs 22:6: Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Matthew 6:34 do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  (my Aunt Karen, told me to embroider this on a pillow - love that)

In short: I have loved the first 5 years of his life and can't wait to see what the future brings.  I know that life is precious and want to make sure that I am not a life waster, but a savorer (is that a word? - If not, it should be).  As I cling to his childhood, I am really trying to force myself to really prepare him for what is to come, but feel that the time is short.  In his short life, he never knew my father, but has welcomed a new grandfather.  He has lost a cousin, but has gained seven.  He has had 3 x-rays and 2 CT scans, but has great health.  He has gone from being the center of our home, to sharing and loving his sister.  He has gone from dreading kindergarten and declaring that he just won't go, tolooking forward to it and talking about it daily.   There is a lot that he has experienced already, but so much more to come.  Won't it be fun to watch as he discovers who he is and what God has planned for him?  I want to look at what comes next with excitement, yet cherish the moments that we have already shared.  Will that constant activity and inquiry slow down, or will this be the driving force of his personality and purpose?  I can't wait to see where life takes him, and me as I grow with him. 

Lord, Thank you for chosing Michael for me before the beginning of time.  Thank you for teaching me through a child, things that I haven't been able to learn on my own.  Thank you for trusting me to be a mother and through you try to grow these children into who You want them to be.  Please help me as I screw up more than I get it right, use it all for Your good and Your purpose.  Help me to teach them to be gentle but not weak, strong but not mean, confident but not arrogant, generous but not wasteful, and always loving quick to share love, accept love, and speak love.

We made it

So, wedding dress shopping was really fun.

I know your wedding is a big day, but do I know anyone who really spent $2,000 on a wedding dress? We put Joy in some expensive dresses, for fun, they were really pretty, but seriously $2,000?!?!? Maybe I am just too practical - not sure that is true, but I am tooo something to spend that kind of cash for 1 day. Maybe if I had it to spend that would make a difference, but I'm not sure that it would.

We had a great day. We hit 2 shops and had Joy try on probably 25+ dresses. It was a successful day, because a decision was in fact made. There were many laughs, in fact there were a few leg crossing laughs. (Those of you who haven't had a baby yet may not understand, but many of you know exactly what I am talking about. Sarah says she doesn't, but is serious about her kegels - don't know if that is common knowledge, but I guess it is now. Love you Sarah!!) You know those days when you just laugh a lot, but either can't remember why or shouldn't retell the story, that is the kind of day it was. What fun.

Thanks Joy, for including me in this day. I am proud to be your big sister and am so proud that you are excited about your wedding, but more excited about your marriage. You haven't lost your perspective about what this day represents and why it is important to celebrate a wedding, but even more important to launch a marriage well. I look forward to being a part of this blessed event and am so glad for all the circumstances that led you to this place at this time. How exciting to look ahead and imagine what God has to hold for you and your Honey.

I'm just going to end this by saying "Pip-squeak" and see if Mom will tell the rest of the story.

Love you, my favorite girls and shopping companions.