No room with a view, just laundry to do

Today - June 10

2011-06-10T06:20:00.000-05:00

Well, today is the day - I hope. I am to be induced with Baby Beekman #3, as long as all those natural labor girls didn't come in through the night. I did sleep a bit, but must admit I'm nervous and anxious.

It's just all the stuff you hear about #3.

Seriously, I'm not nervous about labor and delivery, although I pray it goes well. Quick and uneventful. But today, I'm having a baby. A whole person, who suddenly will be forever a part of our lives. His/her wants and needs will be voiced, joining a small chorus of voices at my house.

Exciting, but scary right?

I mean really, am I a person that a Pampers commercial - which was on a constant loop on my television yesterday after I learned that today was the day - can send into either tears or a panic. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hk3gOHfeIcU&feature=relmfu Evidently I am.

So today, as the minutes crawl closer to the time I call the doctor and then journey into the hospital. (Wow, it's not like I'm riding a donkey carrying the child of God in my womb :) guess being past your due date brings the drama.) I will just cling to the fact that the maker of the world thought that this was a good idea for ME and my family. Now, when you say it like that it kind of is a big deal. A new life should be, right? All my nerves are part of understanding that this is a big responsibility and a miracle, something to cherish and work hard for. I think that at "show time" I will be ready for the show and cling to the fact that they are born little for a reason. You get a chance to grow with them.

So here's to growing with the child God has chosen to be a part of our family as well as to finding that I do in fact have bones in my ankles and shape to my legs. Welcome Baby Beekman #3!! Good riddance cankles :)

"The Far Country" is free

2011-03-02T00:08:00.000-06:00

So, it's been a while. I need to catch up, but I'm not doing that tonight.

I just wanted to share a link so that you could check out some free tunes. Andrew Peterson, seriously one of my favorite artists - EVER, is giving away free downloads of his 2005 or 2006 album "The Far Country". (Now this is not my favorite of his albums, but I would definitely pay to have it again - so to get a free download is AWESOME.) http://andrew-peterson.com/

If I remember right, these songs were inspired by heaven thus "The Far Country". (Wow, that was impressive - thus - hahahaha) It isn't sad about death, but hopeful at what is to come. I bought this album for my mom, but I promptly stole it, I think I returned it, but I should double check that. I hope you love it.

He is a little folky, but is an amazing story teller and has an incredible way with words. I always listen to his songs and think, what an awesome way to put that, or boy that is a spin on that thought that I needed. He has a group of musicians that he works with, none of which are rich or famous, but all who I have been blessed to hear have an incredible gift with music. To be able to move someones heart and mind with the words, rhythms, and melodies that you create or God creates within you is an incredible gift. I truly hope that you are moved by his artistry and lyric driven music and check out some of his other music, maybe you will be a true fan and get it all - like me - I think I have it all :) if not, I probably will be picking it up the next time I get to a show.

Here are the lyrics to his song More. I hope that these words help you to understand the power in the music of Andrew Peterson.

This is not the end here at this grave, This is just a hole that someone made, Every hole was made to fill, And every heart can feel it still--Our nature hates a vacuum

This is not the hardest part of all, This is just the seed that has to fall, All our lives we till the ground, Until we lay our sorrows down, And watch the sky for rain

There is more, More than all this pain, More than all the falling down, And the getting up again, There is more, More than we can see, From our tiny vantage point, In this vast eternity, There is more

A thing resounds when it rings true, Ringing all the bells inside of you, Like a golden sky on a summer eve, Your heart is tugging at your sleeve, And you cannot say why, There must be more

There is more, More than we can stand, Standing in the glory, Of a love that never ends, There is more, More than we can guess, More and more, forever more, And not a second less

There is more than what the naked eye can see, Clothing all our days with mystery, Watching over everything, Wilder than our wildest dreams, Could ever dream to be, There is more

The end of the week of Michael

2010-08-23T00:39:00.000-05:00

Well, this week I have been getting a bit of a hard time from my family. They have called it "the week of Michael", as if that is a bad thing :). All because each day for the past week I have asked Michael what it is that he would want to do before he started kindergarten. The list has been varied. Play checkers, go to the pool, make chocolate chip cookie pie . . . it has been a good week. All leading up to tomorrow, the start of kindergarten.

So here on the eve of beginning life as a school mom I am full of insecurity, excitement, hope, worry . . . name the emotion it is in me NOW!! Where has the time gone? How can he be 5?

We have been talking a lot about what to expect, how to act, but even though he feels excited and full of anticipation, I have evidently not been listening to my own pep talks. I'm thinking about how much I will miss of his life. I'm wondering if I have done the mom thing well enough to send him off well into a whole new life. So tonight when he told me that I didn't need him to walk him into the school tomorrow, I was both sad and happy. Happy that he feels so ready, but sad that so quickly he is independent and doesn't need me. We did decide that I would walk him in tomorrow and leave right away and then we would see how Tuesday would go. Good plan right? We talked about hugs and kisses before, not at the school.

I know that what I told him is true. This is an important step on his journey to who God wants him to be. This is where we begin to figure out what God has planned for his life. This is just the beginning. Why is that so easy to say, know it is true, and yet is so hard to embrace. I could go on about why I am blue and what I have said to him, but really said to me, but I am going to stop myself . . . HERE!

Now the plan for tomorrow. Up in plenty of time to pray, get myself ready and then get my kindergartner going. For him, shower, pancakes, pray, into the van (I know I am close enough to walk, but I want to be in the privacy of my van for the crying, not walking down the sidewalk making a scene) hug and kiss, then walk to the classroom and leave him there excited and curious as to what the day will bring. I will then return to my van, cry for a bit, head to a mom date with great friends at Olde World for some commiserating (may cry a bit more - but hoping to keep the tears to a minimum, no guarantees) then off for a walk with Sally, her Maddy, and my Adah, return home make banana bread for an after school snack, then return to the school to pick up my boy. Hopefully he is still excited. Return home and hear all about his day over his favorite snack. Good plan right?

So glad we were able to take this last week to focus on the great things about summer and family. HOORAY for the week of Michael. I think it maybe become a tradition. Not always the week of Michael, Adah may not like that when it is her turn to go to school. Oh brother, not ready to deal with that yet, so forget I said that.

The exciting thing about Michael going to school is that Adah and I will get to be together all day, just us girls. Some solid time to learn all about the daughter God blessed me with. I love the prospect of that!! We haven't had much time just us girls, so this is an awesome opportunity to figure out some of those things that are easy to miss when there is more than one person competing for your attention. I think that she will miss Michael, but we will find our rhythm. Such a blessing hidden within a change and the sadness that change brings. But isn't that one of the things God does best?

Here is what I have been praying with Michael and a verse I love when things are unknown: Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Isn't that a great way to send your favorite boy to kindergarten?

Baby Shower :)

2010-08-05T22:25:00.000-05:00

Today at camp I was blessed to be able to attend a baby shower of a dear friend, Sarah. We go way back, she was in my cabin when I was a counselor here, many moons ago. Now she and her sweet hubby work at MY camp East Iowa Bible Camp with my sweet sister Sarah and her hubby. What a blessing all children are, but it seems like you acknowledge the miracle more when it is a long wished and prayed for child, like this little girl is. We can't wait to meet you and tell you stories of your parents enduring faith, hope, and love for the miracle of you. See you in September :)

So, today we had to give some mom advice to Sarah as she begins to embark on this life altering journey of enlarging her family. This activity has made me think a bit about some of my mom advice. So when I begin to reflect and have the time to actually do it, I sit down and do this, blog a bit.

1) Find a way to celebrate each child's person - both the stuff you love as well as the stuff that takes some adjusting to. Strengths are show even in bad behavior or just the stuff that you don't get that may drive you crazy.
2) Do something that lets the child know that they create joy in you - just by being themselves.
3) Realize that you get to grow with your child, and praise God that they aren't born with a long memory or the ability to tell all your beginner's mistakes. There is a learning curve. Enjoy the time of learning.
4) Begin to practice hard and uncomfortable conversations, before they can talk back. I started talking about what is private and who should be touching it with Michael as a baby, so I could get past my nerves and weirdness before he could ask me any questions or remember how I goofed it up.
5) Laugh a lot and remember whether you laugh or cry you still have to clean up the mess. The laughing makes it easier.
6) Find a way to say "I Love You" so that they hear it even when you don't say the words.
7) Enjoy this time. It is short, too short.

I hope that you will find the joy (there will still be rotten days, but as a whole) in motherhood that I have found and that I saw in my mom. I knew that she loved me and loved being my mom, because she said it or showed it nearly every day of my life. That is a power that is unmet by any superhero, TMZ character, politician, or power broker. It is the power of a God loving parent who can bless their child with the unconditional love they need to grow, fall, thrive, fail, and succeed. I pray that one day even after all my mess ups my kids will say, "Mom was many things, some good, some crazy, and some that I don't want to be, but she was a person with great love for me." Today I pray that will be your story as well.

God bless you Sarah and Tyson and your growing family. I pray for an uneventful birth and a healthy child and many years to hold your entire family close.

Sorry Target Shoppers . . .

2010-07-12T16:59:00.000-05:00

Today, I was hoping to run a few errands after the stop at the Dr. for some meds to fix the strep throat I caught from my son. We were just going to run into a couple places, quick, smooth, in my typical mother of the year fashion.

The fatal flaw in my day was daring to pee.

Yes, that evidently turns children into non-obeying, personal space crashing, annoying little rug rats that get everyone talking.

I told them on the way in, a quick stop in the bathroom for me and then into the fun double cart for some bargain hunting and maybe even checking for a Lightning McQueen backpack. We walked into a beautifully empty and recently cleaned bathroom. I made the unforgivable mistake of thinking, well it will only take me 30 seconds, so instead of hogging the handicapped stall, I will just hop into a little one and the kids will wait for me right outside where I can see their little feet, surely no one will come in. Suddenly with me indisposed and the bathroom filling up there were little people coming under my door and the door next to mine. Seriously, Adah crawled under my neighbors door and under the stall wall and into my space. Mortified I said, just sit still to both the gigglers sitting at my feet. Hoping we could hide in there until everyone had left and my mother of the year status would remain untarnished. NOPE, throw that prize out the window. So there I am trying to finish everything up and holding onto people to stop them from crawling under the stalls again. Adah got her fanny backed under the next stall again and Michael escaped. I caught screaming Adah who remained in my grip, until I was all buttoned and zipped. After washing my hands and explaining why we had to leave the store RIGHT NOW!! I was able to leave the Target bathroom with two blessed howling children. No I didn't beat them, but leaving Target without actually entering the store is evidently an equivalent to my sweet angels. We were in the store less than 2 minutes, but it was quite a trip.

NO TREAT FOR YOU!!!! (Read that like the Soup Nazi would say it - if you have no idea who that is, it is sad that you have missed so much Seinfeld - I will pray that you will develop a sense of humor)

If you were in the Target bathroom with me today, I really apologize for the intrusion into your privacy and forcing you to listen to me disciplining my kids. "It is not okay to crawl under the stall or the door. . . " There was big talk about choices and consequences. But inside it was just me going - HOLY CRAP, I hope I don't see anyone who was in this bathroom and the best way to do that is to LEAVE. Sad, crying children in tow - I'm sure that didn't make a scene at all.

So tonight as I tuck in my bundles of joy, we will be having talks about bathroom etiquette. Hopefully the next time we will make it past the dollar spot. Maybe I will just hold it.

Love being a mom :) it keeps you humble.

This story reminds me of something I read last week "You can either laugh or cry, but either way you have to clean up the mess. Laughter somehow makes it easier." Don't you love that?

Adah is 2

2010-06-14T23:27:00.000-05:00

June 14 2010, my Adah turned 2 today. Oh, how quickly the last 2 years have passed.

The day that she was born, was quite a day. I was induced in the morning, I think it was around 8 am and I laid in the bed waiting for the arrival of this little person who had been making my butt ache for months and watching the news. (Seriously, I had a sore butt for most of my pregnancy - no reason they could give me - I did jokingly say that the pain in my butt was a sign the baby was a girl. But, I promised myself and Curtis that I would never be a mom to call my child a pain in the butt since before their birth - no one wants to have that running through their head for life - Good grief, you can't please that woman, I was a huge problem for her before I was even born . . . - so far I have not said that to Adah.)

It was the flood of 2008. Living in Mediapolis and having friends living in the bottoms who had evacuated their homes earlier in the week, it was a waiting game. Would the levy hold? How bad would it be if it didn't? All kinds of questions were in my mind. I hadn't been able to help anyone that week, at all, being overdue with a 3 year old. I needed to stay home. As things got serious in my delivery, the levy had not yet broken. But within a half an hour after I was blessed with a girl, (I was probably still saying, it's a girl, it is really a girl) the nurse came in and told me that the levy in Oakville had just broken. Isn't that the way life works? One family is blessed beyond measure and another is devastated at the same time.

We named her Adah, which means beautiful addition. She has lived up to that name, daily, for the past 2 years. Isn't it amazing what God does to your heart when you give it away? Suddenly that person that you never laid eyes upon, is someone you couldn't imagine living without and you pray that you will never have to learn how. This has happened to me with Curtis, then Michael, and finally with Adah. A miracle of love when a family is created.

Now, watching Adah grow into a 2 year old. Things change daily. She doesn't take her brother's stuff. Adah will let you know when she is not happy. She is really developing a will, which is great. I want a child with an opinion, but shaping how she chooses to share her wishes is the challenge. I hope I figure out how she needs to be led, directed, parented, . . . not controlled. She is really starting to talk a lot, and I think more people are beginning to understand the words she is speaking. Last week she stopped calling her brother "brother" and started calling him "Michael" actually it sounds more like Bucco, which I think is hysterical. Is there anything better than a little, bitty 2 year old hollering "Come here Bucco"? I don't think so. She loves chocolate. She chose to eat pizza tonight for her birthday dinner and when given a choice wanted to go to "azio" Mazzios. She rarely snuggles, but when she does, she tells you that it is time. She can tell me when her glasses are dirty or crooked and wants them fixed, now. She will only kiss you on the lips and if you offer her your cheek, she will chase your lips until you give in or there are no kisses.

There are so many little funny things about this beautiful addition this is just the tip of a long list. I know that you have a person in your life, with all the little things that make them too adorable for words. I don't want to be one of those mothers who thinks that my kids are the cutest, sweetest, most interesting, and smartest in the world, they just are those things to me. If you ask I will tell you that I am incredibly biased. :) I am also blessed to be able to learn all these things and watch my children go from 1 to 2 or 5 to 6. I just pray that I will always find them fun and interesting.

Humbling

2010-06-09T23:52:00.000-05:00

Sometimes children give us the best dose of humility and reality, better than Dr. Phil. (I reference that man a lot, but don't know that I have watched a show of his - um - ever or not since he left the warm embrace of Oprah's show.)

Yesterday at lunch we were talking with Michael about being left handed. Here is the conversation:
Curtis - You know Michael, if you love baseball and could pitch an 80 mph fast ball, you could play for the big leagues.
Michael - Like on TV?
Curtis - Yeah. And you would make a lot of money too. Then you could say thanks to your mom and dad by buying us cool stuff. Like a big house, and I want a Dodge Charger (maybe I have the wrong car, but it was in the Dodge family and started with a C) and you know that your mom wants a Jaguar.
Me - It doesn't have to be new, just a convertible
Curtis - What do you think, wouldn't that be great.
Michael - I'm not doing that.
Curtis - Really why?
Michael - You don't need that stuff. I'll give my money to kids who need it. Isn't that what we are supposed to do when we have extra?
Curtis - You're right, that would be better.

Love that boy. Today he brought me a cap from I think a Spray N Wash bottle, filled with change he collected, and told me that we need to get to Wal-Mart and give it to those kids who need it, because there were a couple hundred dollars there and that could make kids like Shaelynn feel a lot better and not have to go to heaven before the grow up. Now, you need to know that I don't have a couple hundred dollars in change around here, but if I did have some extra I would be taking it to Wal-Mart to donate in the Children's Miracle Network collector, to match the generous spirit of my son.

Why am I so selfish? Seriously, a convertible Jag. I would love that, but he is right there are kids out there who need help. I guess I will be rolling in my Sienna for a while and praying that my son remains generous and continues to show me when I'm not.

Thank God for matching us with the children who teach us to be better people. I love being a mom :) Back to matching socks.

What a week . . .

2010-06-08T00:22:00.005-05:00

Wow, it was a beautiful wedding. I loved it.

From watching Tim and Joy do cookies in the yard in Dad's Mustang all the way to them driving away, it was a blessed evening. It was one of those "Can you feel the love tonight" (are you singing) moments.

I will give you some of my highlights: watching all the children come down the aisle - let's see 12 total, Joy's 11 nieces and nephews and Grant's 1,

Grant pledging to love Joy with his WHOLE body later that night (yes that was in his vows),

the butterfly release in honor of Shaelynn Sue the heavenly flower girl, the frequent train whistle prompting kisses from the bride and groom, the kids peanut butter buffet, the sparkler dance to "Put Your Head on My Shoulder", the flowers - have I mentioned the flowers absolutely gorgeous, and so many other moments. What a lovely evening. What a blessing to be a part of this couple, this family, and everything that surrounded the wedding and marriage. Boy, those shoes - I picked out some duds, my feet may never be the same. By the time the wedding was over and it was time to walk back up the aisle I had to tell Sarah to slow down, I couldn't feel my feet and knew I was going to topple any moment. I think that was the only bummer of the whole day, and really that was just me, I'm sure everyone else's feet were fine. Everyone knew that Joy and Grant loved each other and were truly giddy at the thought of marriage and being linked for life. Someone even told me that it was a rare wedding, they left knowing that this couple would make it, without a doubt. Don't you love how when God is in it, everyone knows it is right. Not that it is smooth sailing, but when you start solid you have a good place to build from.

But boy was I tired. Life doesn't slow down for you just because you are tired though.

I had my wisdom teeth taken out last Thursday, which hasn't been too bad. Nothing like I feared. When I went for my consultation with the oral surgeon they made me watch a video, which the theme of went something like this . . . TAKE YOUR WISDOM TEETH ABOUT BEFORE YOU ARE 25 OR ELSE TERRIBLE THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO YOUR MOUTH. bwah, hahaha. Now, I know that most of you are shocked to know that in fact I am 25 and have been for more than a year or two. So, I questioned why they made me watch the video and prepared for the day with some trepidation (wow - that is a good word here, every once in a while I do use that education). I am sore and glad for some those 800 mg ibuprofen, but am doing okay. I have a great husband who is patient and helpful. My mom also took the kids the whole day on Thursday and then my sweet friend Natalie had them all day Friday. Don't know how people make it in life without some extra hands to back them up.

So tomorrow will be Curtis and I's 8th year anniversary. Does that make it our STAR anniversary - 8 years on the 8th? Can you believe it? I have been blessed to be legally and spiritually bound to this man for the last 8 years. Wow, time has really flown. I can honestly say that I love him more today than I did in 2002. I find him funny and charming, and cute. He is an awesome dad and a great husband. God did direct the path that put us together, there isn't anyone on Earth better for me than Curtis. Ask around, there are people who will tell you. Oh, yes, Curtis and Bek - no one else could put up with her. He is a saint :) Love that man. I am so blessed that he chose me.

What a week . . . Joy

2010-05-26T23:44:00.001-05:00

Well, here it is . . . the week Joy gets married.

You know it is still strange. Isn't your little sister supposed to stay "little"? It wasn't this weird to see any of my other siblings get married, but Baby Joy, now that is just weird.

To me it is that thing that you knew would happen one day, but are surprised when that day actually gets here. Well, for me that day is nearly here. And then suddenly, there she is, a bride, a wife, a grown up. I don't know if she will ever be a "grown up" in my mind. She will be 87 and have 43 great grand children and I will still be think of her Baby Joy and say things like, now you have plenty of time don't rush it, and telling all her babies stories of her youth. HELLO if Joy is 87 I will be, uuuuhhh a few months older than that :)

I am so glad to be able to be a part of this new beginning with her. What a blessing it is to have a sister that is _____ years younger than me and have her be one of my very best friends, definitely in my top 10 favorite people in the world. It has been fun to watch everything come together for her wedding, but more fun to watch her begin to build a marriage. Which is so much more important than a great party, don't get me wrong, I will be dancing and eating cake, but I want to do it again in 50 years to celebrate their golden anniversary.

Once in a young lifetime one should be allowed to have as much sweetness as one can possibly want and hold. ~ Judith Olney

Marriage advice, from a virtual beginner in marriage - only nearly 8 years, but 8 great years. (Love my sweet Curty.)
1) Realize that the thing that you love about him will become the thing that drives you CRAZY. Just try to remember that you chose this and find the good about it. Go back to that moment when you first got together and you thought it was the greatest thing and smile and laugh and find ways to admire that "thing" whatever it is, again.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~ Germaine Greer

2) Learn to laugh. There will be times when it is hard to find the fun, but you need to search it out. A home filled with laughter is easier to live in. Sharing memories, stories, movies, books, music, . . . are great ways to share laughter. Laugh at yourself, when the smoke alarm goes off say "dinner's ready".

Let all thy joys be as the month of May, and all thy days be as a marriage day. ~Francis Quarles

3) Share your warning signs. We all have signs that things are about to get "serious". Make sure that Grant knows your tells. Otherwise he is just sitting there watching ESPN and you are banging around in the kitchen and suddenly out of nowhere you begin talking to yourself and there it is meltdown, he asks what you're having for dinner and WHAMO - he didn't even know there was a line and there he is dancing on the other side of it. Not that I would know this is helpful hint by personal experience, I must have read it in a book or something.

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up. ~ Ogden Nash

4) Brag on him. Nothing will get him more on your side than when he feels like you are with him and for him, all the time and completely. Not to mention the side benefit of saying it out loud helps you to really know and believe it to be true. So when you are tempted to go negative, not that you will be, but if you are you will remember all the truth you have shared with others about him, his character, his goals, his clothes and you will know it was all exactly on the money about him and just what you need to remember to turn the other way on Downer Drive.

Come, let's be a comfortable couple and take care of each other! How glad we shall be, that we have somebody we are fond of always, to talk to and sit with. ~Charles Dickens

5) It seems like there should be 5 things, I didn't mean to go to 5, but if you have a 4 part thing you need the 5th just to make it feel finished. Maybe that is just me. So for the 5th I will go a bit more spiritual. Know God and know Grant. You have to do both, or you will be missing out on the greatest part of marriage. I know that it is weird, because a lot of people will tell you it is the S*#, that is up at the top of the list, but not in the top spot. If you know God and are always growing in that relationship, He will pull you closer to Grant. And if you know Grant and are always growing to know him better, since you picked a godly husband, he will be pulling you closer to God. That kind of intimacy and vulnerability will make the S*# better - bonus.

Grow old with me! The best is yet to be. ~Robert Browning

I love you Baby Joy and I am glad you picked Grant. I am blessed to be a part of your wedding and will be a huge fan of your marriage. I can't wait to see where God will take you and what your life together will bring. Is is still a bit weird that you are getting married, but now it would be weird if you didn't. So in case you were unsure I am proud of you and so glad that God made us sisters.

I didn't start this as a heart felt letter to Joy, it just turned into that. I just went back and added the marriage quotes, I love those kind of things. Hope that is okay with the 2 people that read this. :)

2010-05-11T23:58:00.000-05:00

Tonight was Michael's last pre-school conference. Incredible. Where has the time gone? There are too many adjectives to describe my Michael. He is just a fun and funny boy, I enjoy him daily. I know I am his mom, but seriously, he is one of my favorite people. There is just something about a kid who loves every minute of being a boy and brings in a dandelion bouquet with these words Mom, do you know why I bring you these pretty flowers? Because I want to show you I love you. He melts my heart while I work out the stains in his clothes and wonder how every pair of pants has hole's in the knees.

My prayer with and for him will continue to be: Lord keep his heart soft and kind, make him a good friend who seeks the good in others, befriends many, help him to learn to work it out without using his gifts for selfishness, and help his inquisitive mind to continue to grow through all the questions he asks and all the details he remembers. Help me be the mother he needs me to be in order for him to grow into the man God plans for him to be.

Bedtime

2010-05-07T01:39:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it is 1:30, again. Why do I always see the a.m. come across my clock? I would like to be one of those early to bed early to rise people. BUT, I am not.

The house is quiet. I procrastinated. In my rush to finish and get to bed before the a.m. I have seen both of my sweet children. Which only prolongs the length it takes to get anything done. They seem to have a special alarm that triggers when mom is in a time crunch.

BING!!! Now is the perfect time to have a nightmare, Mom is trying to get stuff done and would love the chance to hold me.

Actually, it usually does happen at just the right time. It really gives me the opportunity to evaluate where I am at with things. What is important? How much do I really NEED to do this? How long will it take to get it done? What can I not do and still be done? All those things that in the business of finishing stuff up, I loose sight of. Funny how you see the big picture after midnight.

Also funny, how my husband does not hear a child crying across the hall, but I can hear the same cry down the stairs on the opposite side of the house at my computer or cleaning the kitchen. Men. Gotta love them.

Adah's Eyes

2010-04-19T23:47:00.001-05:00

What a blessing to go to a doctor for a check up and find that instead of the worst case being our reality, it was the best case. Thanks you God. What a blessing.

Just to catch you up on Adah's eyes, here is the story from the beginning. About a year ago the Lion's Club came to MOPS and took pictures of the kid's eyes. They send these pictures to the University of Iowa and they study the pictures and can find certain eye problems just from the picture. Crazy I know, something about how the flash reflects in the pupil/retna. So, Adah's came back with a recommendation to see a doctor, they had detected a possible astigmatism and far-sightedness. Smart people. Amazing.

Here is a little back story to the Lion's Club, when they contacted our MOPS group about coming for this vision screening, I, being on the steering team said, do these things ever come back that there is a problem? I mean is this really something we need to do? When I got the notice in the mail, I was a bit worried but glad that we had done it. A God thing, don't you think?

We took her to my eye doctor, who has little experience with children, much less infants, Adah was nearly one. After several frustrating visits, some of my great mom friends on the steering team with me suggested that I call the University of Iowa and get an appointment with them, they have a nationally known opthamology department. Amazingly, they were able to squeeze us in that next week, which I now know was a God thing, it normally takes months to get an appointment. We went for our first visit in June, the day after her 1st birthday. They did a thorough exam, I was amazed at the difference when you go to a doctor who specializes in children. She does have an astigmatism and was at the high end of normal for her farsightedness, but at that time glasses weren't needed.

Jump ahead to early January. Suddenly we began to notice that her eye was crossing, this is one of the warning signs that something had changed in her vision, so we called the U immediately. It was a two month wait to get in to see them. Her eye continued to cross and it was hard to wait, when you feel like something needs to happen now. Just wait 'til Obama care hits.

Finally it was March 1 and we went to our appointment, 2 hours later with dialated eyes we find that her farsightedness has increased dramatically which is causing the crossing. Basically when she wants to see something she has to focus really hard to see it, then her eye crosses, and then her brain shuts that eye off. The more she focuses the more she crosses and the more likely it will be that her brain will just decide not to use that eye. Scary, I know. The first step is glasses to determine if it is just the farsightedness or something more, then patching, then finally eye surgery. We left that appointment praying that the glasses would come in quickly, do you know how hard it is to find infant glasses and someone who actually knows how to fit them? Neither did I, but I do now. We were also praying that the glasses would do the trick and there would not be a next to worry about.

Today we went for our check up and our prayers were answered. Adah's eyes are doing well, she had the best case scenario. What a blessing, the glasses are working. We go back in September to check them again. But, until then we are so thankful for the discovery of her eye issues and the ability to help her with them. She likes her glasses, keeps them on pretty well, we are on our second pair, broken after 32 days, but she knows they help her see. Which has made her a much happier girl. I can't help but wonder, what she would be like if this hadn't been found so early in her life and how many times we will have to replace her glasses before September.

Sorry for any spelling errors, I can't seem to find the spell check.

Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T00:13:00.000-06:00

I am waiting for the oil to get hot enough to fry up these heart shaped donuts for tomorrow.

I love Valentines Day. It is giving me the opportunity to use up some of the red frosting that is left over from that Mack cake I made for Michael's birthday. :)

That isn't the only reason, but right now clearing out the fridge is looking like a great goal for the week. I don't think I have been able to just put stuff away in there since Christmas. It is all of this juggling - I hate that.

No deep thoughts, but just thought I should update since I have the time, I mean really how much time can you devote to looking at Facebook. :) Too MUCH!!

So here are some cute and funny things happening around here. Michael is terrible at secrets, I hope that remains true about him until he has graduated from college. Today he came upstairs to tell me what he did when he went with Daddy and Adah uptown. He describe the card he picked out in detail and told me I would really like it, because it was so cute. Funny. Last night he called the Northwestern Wildcats, the wild west cats. Adah won't call him by name, but just calls him brother all the time. She is constantly wanting a "NACK" (snack in kid speak). She seems to have stopped calling Curtis "nunny", which I couldn't figure out for the longest time, because she says Daddy too. Then I heard it right after I had called for him, it is Honey. Too cute. I hope she will pick it up again, it made me smile every time.

We went shopping yesterday and I was totally pumped about my purchases. I take $50 for each child out when winter and summer clothes hit the clearance, to buy ahead for next year. I spent it all in one store at one time. I called Curtis to tell him about my deals, and all he could say was you spent it all . . . today . . . in one store . . . Proudly I said YES, but I am now DONE!!! I should tell you Curtis's theory and in that explain the vast difference between us. He says that men see the number, you spent how much, but women see the savings, by spending this much today I saved hundreds of dollars. Isn't that true? He sees the number I see the deal. Let me tell you what my $101.03 bought. For Michael: 6 school pants, 2 dress pants, 4 t-shirts, 2 sweatshirts, 2 dress up shirts, 1 sweater, 2 pajamas, 1 pair black dress shoes. For Adah: 1 coat, 1 hat, 2 dresses, 3 pants, 4 tops, 1 sweater, 2 tights, 1 pair socks, 7 pajamas. (I didn't realize that I had bought 7 pj's for her, until after, but they were only $1.99 each and I had a 15% off coupon - maybe I can give some away, who doesn't love nice pj's, they don't have to know that they were only $1.70) Isn't that a lot for the money. We are looking at the mountain of grow into clothes on the ottoman right now. I need to get them all tucked away, but I haven't gotten to it yet. Too many other projects today.

Speaking of other projects I should finish those donuts and get my house tidied up so it isn't too embarrasing when the sitter comes tomorrow so my sweet Curty, my Valentine and I can go out on our date. I bet he orders some kind of seafood. Love that man.

Have a great Valentines Day and make sure that the ones you love know your love and find it in everything. Do something, say something, find the way that they will best experience your love and do it. Time is short, tomorrow is not guaranteed, but you have this moment. Make it count. (I do get philosphical after midnight.)

Michael is 5

2010-01-23T01:55:00.001-06:00

I know it has been forever. I didn't know how long until I opened this up to write tonight. August seems long ago, but wasn't it last week?

Today was my first day with a 5 year old. I know that many cheer about a child progressing in age, but I am not one of those people. Don't get me wrong I want him to grow into a loving, productive, mature man - I just want to hang on to the moments that I have with him now when he is a boy. My boy.

I know it is silly, but there is just a difference in my mind between four and five. When you are four, you are still a toddler, nearly all your needs are met by your family, you haven't figured out what "cool" is yet - you may say "cool" but you don't get it and your mind has not yet been warped by the seeking of "cool". At five, you are a boy. Your independence grows. Kindergarten is in the near future and with that is the beginning of looking to others to find your identity. "Cool" now has a definition and a voice. Your mom rarely qualifies as "cool" no matter what shoes she wears.

There is such a short amount of time to try to impress on a child what is important and what is not, that on days like this, the day it takes all the fingers on one hand to show his age, you wonder if you have done anything right. Have you done enough to prepare him for what lies ahead? There are more questions than answers. Then the Awana verses come back to you like waves to encourage.

Proverbs 22:6: Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Matthew 6:34 do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (my Aunt Karen, told me to embroider this on a pillow - love that)

In short: I have loved the first 5 years of his life and can't wait to see what the future brings. I know that life is precious and want to make sure that I am not a life waster, but a savorer (is that a word? - If not, it should be). As I cling to his childhood, I am really trying to force myself to really prepare him for what is to come, but feel that the time is short. In his short life, he never knew my father, but has welcomed a new grandfather. He has lost a cousin, but has gained seven. He has had 3 x-rays and 2 CT scans, but has great health. He has gone from being the center of our home, to sharing and loving his sister. He has gone from dreading kindergarten and declaring that he just won't go, tolooking forward to it and talking about it daily. There is a lot that he has experienced already, but so much more to come. Won't it be fun to watch as he discovers who he is and what God has planned for him? I want to look at what comes next with excitement, yet cherish the moments that we have already shared. Will that constant activity and inquiry slow down, or will this be the driving force of his personality and purpose? I can't wait to see where life takes him, and me as I grow with him.

Lord, Thank you for chosing Michael for me before the beginning of time. Thank you for teaching me through a child, things that I haven't been able to learn on my own. Thank you for trusting me to be a mother and through you try to grow these children into who You want them to be. Please help me as I screw up more than I get it right, use it all for Your good and Your purpose. Help me to teach them to be gentle but not weak, strong but not mean, confident but not arrogant, generous but not wasteful, and always loving quick to share love, accept love, and speak love.

We made it

2009-08-14T00:15:00.002-05:00

So, wedding dress shopping was really fun.

I know your wedding is a big day, but do I know anyone who really spent $2,000 on a wedding dress? We put Joy in some expensive dresses, for fun, they were really pretty, but seriously $2,000?!?!? Maybe I am just too practical - not sure that is true, but I am tooo something to spend that kind of cash for 1 day. Maybe if I had it to spend that would make a difference, but I'm not sure that it would.

We had a great day. We hit 2 shops and had Joy try on probably 25+ dresses. It was a successful day, because a decision was in fact made. There were many laughs, in fact there were a few leg crossing laughs. (Those of you who haven't had a baby yet may not understand, but many of you know exactly what I am talking about. Sarah says she doesn't, but is serious about her kegels - don't know if that is common knowledge, but I guess it is now. Love you Sarah!!) You know those days when you just laugh a lot, but either can't remember why or shouldn't retell the story, that is the kind of day it was. What fun.

Thanks Joy, for including me in this day. I am proud to be your big sister and am so proud that you are excited about your wedding, but more excited about your marriage. You haven't lost your perspective about what this day represents and why it is important to celebrate a wedding, but even more important to launch a marriage well. I look forward to being a part of this blessed event and am so glad for all the circumstances that led you to this place at this time. How exciting to look ahead and imagine what God has to hold for you and your Honey.

I'm just going to end this by saying "Pip-squeak" and see if Mom will tell the rest of the story.

Love you, my favorite girls and shopping companions.

Wedding Dress Shopping - weird

2009-08-11T22:21:00.004-05:00

On the cusp (don't you love when you can show off a college education) of wedding dress shopping with my little sister, I am feeling a little weird.

Weird because she was supposed to stay little. She was the surprise ending of my siblings, and what a blessing. I remember when Mom and Dad told us that they were having another baby, after having 4 you just assume your parents are done. It was funny, because Dad said that there was a special surprise coming to our family after Christmas and that it came in a sack. GROSS!! Just tell us that Mom is having a baby, don't go into detail Dad. I was 9 when that announcement was made and 10 when Joy Kathleen arrived. Once she was born I remember talking to mom about what we would do without her and how we felt like our family was complete before she came, but it wasn't. For those of you that don't believe I can remember these conversations, I can. Mom and I talked in the big grey van after going to Pizza Hut in Mt. Pleasant, which was rare for us. We had taken back all the pop cans that day and were able to go out to dinner on the proceeds, now that is a lot of pop cans. It was Saturday night and the boys were bouncing around in the back, Sarah was sleeping, and Dad had gone into the gas station to pay, I was sitting next to Joy and talking to Mom in the front seat. Crazy the things you remember.

So tomorrow, I get to go with this little girl, who is now all grown up and mushy in love with a great guy, Grant. (oooh, fancy words and alliteration, I must be tired to pull all this off) WEIRD!! What fun it will be to go wedding dress shopping. Mom, Sarah, and I will be a great audience, and Joy will beam with delight. The laughter will make people look and the conversations should be recorded. We will tell stories, talk about random weird things that only we get, because of the context that only we know. You know what I mean, sister stuff.

We will miss Dad, not that he would have come, but because we always miss Dad.

So, who will cry first? Who will pick out the ugliest dress? Who will get honked off by the rude clerk and talk not to them, but loudly enough for them to hear? I may never tell, unless it is just the funniest story that must be told. I can tell you this that this will be a blessed day, and one that will have at least one lingering trip to Starbucks, cause that's how we roll. (There's that college education again.)

I love Joy and am honored to be a part of the process in welcoming Grant into our family and celebrating a marriage that will give our final Kelly girl a "B" last name. How weird is that? Thanks for letting me come Joy. With all the opinions, ideas, bossiness, and the rest of the things you hate to love about me.

See you at noon!!

Camp

2009-08-05T00:07:00.002-05:00

Here I sit at camp, on a computer. I know, I know . . .

I love East Iowa Bible Camp. There are a few places in the world, where as you drive closer you feel like a kid again, getting so excited to be there and comfortable with where you are heading as you pull in the drive way it is like coming home. Camp is one of those for me, well maybe it is the one, other than where I grew up. I love being here and I love that my family loves being here. I remember when I brought Curtis up here the first time, he didn't know what to expect, and asked if this was going to have to be our vacation every year. I don't think I said yes, but I was hopeful that he would fall in love with camp and all that it represents and he did.

My dad loved camp and wanted our family to value what it meant to him. He had two main things that he worked to keep the main things, God and family. If you can keep those two things in focus, everything else will work itself out. Camp is a break from the reality of the everyday, it is a shelter from the storm. It is a place to go and recharge your battery and reconnect with all that is important in life, God and family. Thanks Dad, I hope that your two main things are mine as well.

At camp you will hear great stories of where and how God is at work in lives and communities. You get a bigger picture of the world, and the important message of it's not about YOU, it's about how HE can use you. You see all the ways that God uses people here, both in big and small ways. Do you have any idea how many people have come through this camp and chosen to do God's work? Neither do I (I bet you were expecting some stats), but I will tell you that most of my camp friends have chosen to allow God to work through their lives, some have chosen missions and are working in foreign countries, others are working in churches all over this country, and many others are actively involved in their local church and its ministries. What an honor to have learned the message of EIBC as a child, "To know Christ and to make Him known" and let that become the song in your heart and message of your life. Thank you East Iowa, for bringing me in contact with exciting and inspiring missionaries and for challenging me with interesting and applicable Bible teaching. I leave camp with a desire to be used by the God I say I serve in a better, more complete way, so that it isn't just what I say, it is who I am.

I love coming to camp with my family, I have been coming since I was very young. It has been "vacation" for most of my life. As a child, we looked forward to this week all year. We had friends that were our camp friends and of course a crush or two along the way, but it was just a great time to get away together. It was so fun to play together (I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters) with differnt stuff in different ways. We loved the pool, the pond, Bible drills in chapel, and competing with and against each other in the great relay races. As we got older we began to hang out with other kids and then the fun of mutual secrets began. It was the one time a year when it felt like the weight of the world was off my dad, I see that now much more than I did then. He would truly relax at camp. The Mike laugh would ring out through Kid Run Valley, his stories were better around the camp fire, and he loved the people he met and only saw here. He loved the friends from home that still come here each year and the relationship that is built through camp. They are the thick and thin friends. There were great times of sitting, just talking together, and I always loved watching him with my mom. One of the hardest things after his death was returning to camp, less than a month later. We knew that some of our camp friends wouldn't know and would be looking for him, not having him here was hard then, and I still feel his absence now. Oh the fun he would have with the grandchildren that are here this week, there are eight here.

Now, I am the mom and I love having my kids at camp. They are getting some of the same experiences that I cherish so much and building those lasting friendships. There is just something about someone who knew you when you were so young and cute and stuck with you even when you weren't and now they are watching my children be young and cute. (Surely my kids won't go through that un-cute phase.) I am relaxed here, I trust the people and the camp. I allow my children a freedom that they don't often have anywhere else. Camp to me is a safe place and my children love it here. Michael has been asking when we are coming for months now, and will be sad to leave on Saturday morning.

There is just enough structure that it is not a free for all and enough freedom that you can take your time and do all the fun things. There are enough simple activities that you will crave fun for fun's sake when you get home and realize how much we over schedule and over plan and over stuff our lives. You know what? Camp doesn't need jet ski's and ropes courses, just creativity and a willingness to continually find the fun in life and pursue the simple and best things in life. God and family.

Wow, all this to say, I love camp and am so glad to be back again this year and pray that I will be able to return again next summer. Long live East Iowa Bible Camp!!

Adah's 1st Birthday and time

2009-07-12T00:00:00.004-05:00

It's been awhile. Let's see . . . since I last wrote - my baby turned ONE, my baby sister got engaged, and we had the 6th anniversary of Dad's sudden death. Each of these things is one of those time things. It is just so weird how fast time goes and how it can seem like forever ago and yesterday at the same time. I thought that I would blog on each of these individually, but didn't get it done. It is my procrastination . . . best of intentions, crappy follow through. (Does anyone else love the word crap, crappy, crapola . . . ? Any of it's versions are good with me - sorry Mom, but it could be worse)

My sweet Adah turned one on June 14. I can't believe it. It happened too quickly, she went from baby to not a baby in a blink. As I watch her toddling everywhere, fearlessly climbing and exploring, I wonder who she will be. Will this daredevil spirit remain? Will I nurture that in her or quench it and make her fearful? (Lord, please don't let me be that kind of mother. - an honest prayer from me to God) Will the stubborn nature that enables her to stand her ground with her brother be something I stop laughing about soon? I pray that I will have the blessing of watching her grow and finding joy in each of her moments. I know all too well about the brevity of life, there are no guarantees, but I do have today. How can I cherish and give my best in the everyday moments? What will her fond memories be? It is so fun to watch her and her adoring big brother. They really do like each other, currently. Is there any better sound than hearing siblings play together, willingly and enjoy it. I am so blessed to be the mother of Adah. Thank you Adah, for brightening my day and helping me to realize how much fun girls can be. I am loving watching you grow into the person God wants you to be, I can't wait to see what this world holds for you, but don't want it to happen too quickly although no matter what it will probably be too quickly, and I pray that I can be a continual part of your journey through this life. What a first year we have had together.

It's late, I will have to catch this train of thought later to talk about Joy and Dad.

Devotion's, sin, and choices

2009-06-12T07:14:00.004-05:00

Today God woke me up. I keep saying I want to have a quality quiet time, but don't have the time or energy to do it well so it consistently gets put off, and this week at our MOPS steering meeting one of the mentors said that if I was choosing to not do it when I had time to do other things like watching TV, being on the computer . . . then maybe it wasn't the business of life that was keeping me from a quiet time, it was a sin issue. WOW! Light bulb moment. A sin issue, but I am a mom, I am too busy for sin. RIGHT!! Today God gave me the chance again. I woke up just before 5:30 and instead of flipping on the TV to let the news lull me back to sleep, I got up. I chose to have a quiet time, which meant that today I did have the time and I chose something over myself - GOD, I chose focused time with GOD. What a radical concept, I know.

Let everything you say be good and helpful so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29

This was nearly the first thing I read and what I needed to hear. This verse is a verse I have read and heard, memorized and recited, but today it was all new.

Is everything I say good and helpful? Are my words encouraging? I think that I am good with words. I rarely am at a loss of what to say and even can be eloquent. I love finding the right word for the right moment. But EVERYTHING. Really. Even at home. I look at how I interact with my family and am convicted that maybe it is when I have my "public" face and my "church" hat on that I live this verse. Or give it a good attempt. If it is not who I am always, am I faking it? How many times do I just tell my family what I want and expect and never think about my words being good and helpful and being an encouragement.

Convicting to this mom, who can be short tempered and short sighted.

So devotion is doing what it needs to do in my life, convicting me, asking me to make better choices, and recognizing that there is One who does this in my life. God is using this verse to make me a better mom, today. Tomorrow I will start all over, but hope that I can continue to be aware of the power of words.

Wow, who knew that I could feel awake at 7:30 and be ready to start my day.

I remembered #3

2009-05-15T00:43:00.003-05:00

I remembered #3 - What tickles you?

Those are great questions for life:
1) What makes you tick?
2) What tickles you?
3) What ticks you off?

Think about it for a while, you may be surprised what pops into your head.

I think that these were supposed to be in reference to organizing your home, but what a way to prioritize your life. Wow, if I could figure out and harness what makes me tick, spend time doing what tickles me, and avoid what ticks me off, what kind of person would I be?

2009-05-14T00:15:00.003-05:00

Okay - I just won a spider solitaire game so I am free to start blogging now. Something happens to me - whenever I turn on the computer I have to have a game going and I can't stop until I have won. It is what I do while I wait for the slow dial up to do whatever it has to do. It really is hard for me to end a game before it is over. What is wrong with me? Is there a support group for this?

Moving on.

I have been reading. I am at least one chapter into each of the books and love them all. Right now, I am stuck in the organizing book. It says that I should escape somewhere alone without distractions and develop a plan of attack. Well, I have been stalled here for a month. But I have been trying to answer 3 important questions we all should answer:
1) What makes you tick?
2) What ticks you off?
oh and now I can't remember #3, I would look it up but the book is up next to my bed and I don't know when I would return. But those 2 are a great start. I will figure it out later and let you know, if I remember. My 2 brain cells have not been playing well together lately. Maybe I need more sleep. (I say at 12:22 am)

Real Mom's . . . Real Jesus is great. I love it. The first chapter "The Truth about Serving" is all about taking the time to see what you do as a mom is serve and in order to serve well you need to let others serve you. Now this can get hard. The end of the chapter even gives some scenarios: "When your husband says, 'How can I help you' don't brush him away, but invite him to join you in whatever you are doing." I don't know about anyone else, but sometime I want to just do it, myself, because I should have it together enough to complete a task. But the reality is that I am not that together. Our MOPS steering team is going to be reading this book together this summer. So I am trying to not get too far into it. It is hard, because it is really good.

I have even started Chief Home Officer. It has become my bathtub book. A bathtub book is a book that stays in my bathroom, not for toilet reading - I know what you are thinking, I don't spend that much time on the toilet, who wants to linger there? It is in the bathroom for bath tub reading. I love baths, so I love to have an excuse to take one. Reading is a great excuse. It also helps the time go a little more quickly when I am giving a bath to my kiddos, who love to play in the bath. I always have a bathtub book, although when the Real Simple Magazine comes, I take a disappear to the tub with that. Okay, more than anyone needs to know about me. The Chief Home Officer is great, it is really dealing right now with that transition from work to home and how big of a thing that is. Some of you may not have felt this way, but I really did. My expectations were wrong as far as life at home and my needs didn't change. I still wanted to be busy and productive and I didn't realize how much all that people interaction fed me and what coming down off of it would do to me. Now I don't want to sound like I regret it, I never did. I just didn't realize what this adjustmetn would be. So this book is great and I can't wait to get into the real practical stuff of running a home and making it work for me. I hate days when I get to the end and wondered what exactly I did all day. Maybe a plan, I always had one while working, will help me.

Wow, a lot of nothing. Maybe I should take the time to blog individually about these books so I can really get my thoughts on each out. I know that there are a few people who will read this, but I am really blogging more for myself. It seems easier than journalling in some wierd way, but serves the same purpose.

Well, I should be folding laundry and maybe you should be too, but I am glad I did this. Hope all is well in your world. Love on those you love right NOW!!

Shiner #4

2009-04-23T23:06:00.003-05:00

Good News today!! No craniotomy!!

I don't remember if I told you that was a possibility, a long shot, but it had been mentioned more than once. Scary stuff. I tried not to think about it, long shot, it would be a long shot Bek, don't worry about a long shot, focus on the sure things, he has a fracture - it should heal, no long shot to think of. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. Such is life. Enough of my inner ramblings.

So, we went to the U and were told again how unusual this fracture is. :) Basically it is at the roof (at the back) of the eye socket and the floor of the brain. So a tricky place to get to. There is a piece of bone that is pointing into the eye socket, that is the concern. The other fracture is just a fracture, but this one is weird. The main concern is how it is and will affect his vision. Right now there is no problem with his vision, but his eye lid is a little lower. They don't know if that is due to the swelling or to the fractured piece of bone which is sticking into the muscle that controls the lid of the eye. If it is the fracture, we will just have to watch it to make sure that it doesn't begin to impede his vision as it heals and he grows. The other issue is that due to the proximity to the brain this fractured bone could have or may (in the right circumstance) puncture the membrane around the brain. This in itself is not huge, it will heal itself and as long as fluid is not leaking out it isn't a huge deal. The issue is infection, an infection could cause meningitis. YIKES. We were told all the warning signs of meningitis and told that if anything seemed even a little off we were to call the doctor immediately. They put Michael on an antibiotic to help prevent any infection. Again this is a long shot, but we are glad to know to be watchful and that he is on something to help prevent it.

We were both encouraged, thankful that we went to the U, and felt like our prayers had been answered. No surgery and no big risks as he grows. We know how blessed we are to have two healthy children. This fracture is small compared with what many endure. Knowing that losing or having challenges with vision is not easy or wanted, we didn't feel his life was at risk. Keeping Michael and doing our best to help him grow into the person that God wants him to be is the gift and blessing, his being able to see is an extra blessing.

I think too many times we loose sight of the big picture and we think that this is as bad as it can get and fall into despair and worry about lifestyle, but don't find the blessing in life. We, our family, know all too well how fleeting life is and try to keep our eye on that. Don't get me wrong, I prayed that everything would be okay and I stewed some about the outcome of all these appointments, but I really tried to keep my perspective. Sometimes it is hard, but I try not to buy a house in that neighborhood, I just get lost there and drive around a bit. Michael loosing his sight or needing surgery would be bad, but loosing Michael would be much worse. I really try to see the bigger picture and focus on God's plan for us all. I am not sure what the plan was here, but when I need to know I will.

Count your blessings, name them one by one, Count your blessings, see what God hath done! Count your blessings, name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Shiner #3

2009-04-22T16:52:00.006-05:00

Hello - me again, updating the latest in this full week.

The short of it: We are going to Iowa City tomorrow to see a specialist.

The long version: Today Michael had his 4 year check up, scheduled long before everything else. Everything went well there. He is growing and all the things that are supposed to be positive or negative were. The doctor was a bit concerned about his eye, evidently this is a very unusual fracture - no one seems to have seen anything like this before. Lucky us. He thought that seeing a pediatric opthimologist at the U would be the best bet, but we already had an appointment here, so we went ahead and went with the plan we had made on Tuesday after the ENT, but promised to call after the appointment.

The opthimologist who told us that everything seemed okay and that it should heal fine, but we should come back in a month to re-check his eye. We then called the pediatrician to tell him the update, and he wanted to call the U and talk with the doctor up there to see what they thought. They decided that we should come up and make sure that all is well and go from there. We are praying that the 3rd opinion will be like the first 2, nothing that can really be done, the risks outweigh the rewards, and it should heal fine with no vision issues due to this fracture.

I have become that mother who bribes her children. Today we have had a donut, chocolate milk, and chocolate ice cream. Not a normal day for us, but it just seems like after all of this you need a treat. I need a treat - anyone have a 2 liter of Diet Pepsi, for this tired Mommy after she puts Mr. Black Eye down for the night. "I need a cold one on the rocks and keep it coming."

Is a 5:30 bedtime too early?

Shiner 2

2009-04-21T21:52:00.002-05:00

I thought I should update after the blabbering I did yesterday, so here is the news. We went to the ENT doctor this morning. I was told to call them first thing, so I did at 8:15 and they wanted me there by 9. There was no way. We live 20 minutes away and were all still in pj's, no breakfast, and I was hoping to get a shower. We aren't one of those morning houses, I don't think that my body or mind realize that they are in fact awake until they have been going for an hour. They insisted that they needed us first thing, so I told them I could be there by 9:30. We rushed around to get everything done, I prayed that I smelled better than I felt, and we made it. Only to have to wait until after 11 to see the doctor. I would have had time for a bubble bath and a real breakfast - oh well, roll with it.

After examining Michael the doctor referred us to another doctor. He has a fracture in the back of the eye socket (between the brain and the eye ball) that is sticking out into the eye socket. Evidently this is really unusual so everyone in the area needs to see it. It isn't large and he didn't think that it would be advantagous (wow big word for this tired mom) to fix it, but he wanted to make sure that they eyeball doctor agreed. So tomorrow we will see an opthamologist to see if the fracture will endanger his eyeball. We are praying that this will be our last visit, but were told that it may be necessary for us to visit another specialist, a pediatric opthamologist. We will know more tomorrow.

Here is a funny tidbit that happened while we waited. We were wandering the hospital and some nurses were pushing a patient on a bed down the hallway, nothing too exciting. We stepped into a doorway so they would have plenty of room and when they were getting close Michael said, "Mom, what's with the dead guy." Now this was loud enough for the nurses to hear and thankfully it looked like the "dead guy" was out of it enough to not hear the comment. Both Curtis and I were shocked and trying to shut that sweet little mouth with things like (do you detect my sarcasm), oh he is just tired, or it looks like he has had a rough day, and he isn't dead. But there was no disuading (wow another 50 cent word) him and he kept talking. But he looks dead, I really think he is dead . . . my insides are screaming why can't we shut him up. The nurses hearing all of this start giggling and I heard them laughing and talking about it until I couldn't hear them any more. It is so hard not to laugh at these moments, but they are so embarrassing.

My mother would probably tell you that this is my just reward, but that can't possibly be true. Just another Michael moment to add to my list. I love that boy. What fun it is to be able to laugh with and at your children.

Shiner

2009-04-20T23:53:00.004-05:00

Okay so here is the story:

We traveled to Wisconsin this weekend to visit Curtis's parents and check out the new house (great by the way). We stopped in Madison for dinner and everything was normal. Adah was almost done with dinner, so I said I would stay with her in Culver's (shocking that we would stop there, I know) while she finished and Curtis could go take Scout on a bit of a walk to do what dogs need to do - go to the bathroom. Of course Michael wanted to go with his dad, he is Curtis's shadow. :) No problem I will meet you at the van in a few minutes, we will be in Waupon before dark. That was the plan, funny how plans change.

I was waiting by the van when I got a call from Curtis, "Something terrible has happened", doesn't that strike fear into your heart. I could hear Michael crying and I thought that something had happened to Scout, but Curt told me that Michael was hurt and he didn't know what to do, he told me where they where and Adah and I started moving toward the wails. I thought that it was a normal fall, "Oh buddy, where does it hurt, can I kiss it, do you want me to sing you a song . . . " you know the normal mom stuff. But when I got there, there was no consoling him. Curtis was like, "What do we do?" I told him to take Scout and head to the van and come back to get me and the kiddos. Hoping all the while that Michael would be calm when he returned and I could figure out what had happened. Not the case, Michael just wouldn't calm down, I could see the road rash on his face, but he couldn't stop crying long enough to explain what had happened, so I just held him and waited for Curtis. It didn't take long for him to return, but it was clear that Michael wasn't quite right, his eyes looked glassy or something and he was pale so we decided to head to the emergency room. YIKES!!

In the van I finally got some answers to what had happened, Curtis was picking up the present Scout left on the walk and Michael got tangled in the leash, then Scout (playing with Michael) ran the other way straightening the leash with Michael in it, that flipped him out and head first onto the asphalt. Driving to the ER I was just trying to keep him awake, somewhere someone told me that you aren't supposed to let head injury people go to sleep, and I didn't, but it was a fight. He just continued to cry and then he would say things like "I just can't take it" breaking my heart. I could almost see his eye swelling shut. Adah was just stunned silent through the whole ride. When we arrived at the ER I took Michael in while Curtis parked, there was no one else in there, amazingly enough. I think it was a God thing, to save my sanity and Curtis's hurting heart. They took him right in and after doing his vitals and getting an idea of what had happened, they let him fall asleep on my chest while he played with my hair and I sang to him.

Fairly quickly they decided a cat scan was the next course of action to ensure no big problems. He completely freaked out at the idea of having his "picture taken in a space ship". Not sure why we do that kind of thing to our children. I don't know that I want to have my picture taken in a space ship. After several excruciating minutes trying to get that "picture" taken, we decided a sedative was a great idea. A little good stuff and 5 minutes later, a completely different visit to the cat scan. We were given our results that night, everything looked okay just watch him and if anything is weird take him to the doctor and get him checked out again.

Finally we arrived in Waupon after midnight, tired and ready to drop. Michael woke up around 6:00 and needed to go to the bathroom, having no idea what he would look like. I asked if he remembered anything from the night before and he said "I got tangled up with Scout and fell, but I didn't want to get my picture taken, that was a scary space ship." Good to know he remembered. He was so funny/shocked when he was himself in the mirror, "My eye, what is going on with my eye, I can't see it." It soaked in and we supplemented with Tylenol when it got achy, but we had a great weekend. The eye was puffy and scary looking, but he played and acted normal. We were out of the woods, everything was okay, this was just a really exciting story to tell and as you can imagine, everyone has asked.

So today was a pretty normal day, he didn't seem in much pain and we are seeing more and more of his eye, the swelling has really gone down. Then tonight around 6, before Curtis was home from work, a sheriff's deputy shows up at our door. I was a little worried as I answered the door and then he asked for Curtis, I told him he wasn't home yet. He asked who I was and I told him I was Rebekah, Curtis's wife. He then gave me an urgent message from the hospital in Madison Wisconsin. Curtis needed to call them right away about his 4 year old son. So now I am freaking out. I called Curtis and he called the hospital immediately. They told us to take Michael directly to the ER and have another cat scan, they had re-examined the scan from Friday and thought there may be a small bleed in his brain and a possible orbital fracture. Why I ask, didn't they call us instead of sending a deputy to my house with no info to freak me out. Not to complain or anything, but really, do you know the thoughts that were running through my brain.

Off to the ER again, this time we were able to get Michael to do the cat scan without medication, it took some talking and a promise of Perky Bear Pancakes at Perkins afterward, but he did it. So now the results, no brain bleed, THANK YOU LORD!! but he does have an orbital (eye socket) fracture. So tomorrow we call the ENT and get Michael checked out by him to determine if surgery is needed. The ER doctor thought it was unlikely but with all the swelling it is hard to know for sure. We will know soon, but the prayer is no surgery.

Long story long (I was about to say short, but really this is long, really long, it is late and I ramble - sorry) we have met our deductible already this year.

Reading

2009-04-01T00:05:00.002-05:00

So, I finally finished my last book, "Song of Erin". It took too long, not enough baths lately.

Some of you may not know that I love bubble baths and always have a bathtub book. Although the day that Real Simple comes in the mail I disappear for a bath. I have a great husband who is all for me disappearing for a long bath, aren't I blessed. There are times he comes looking for me, but usually only when it is nearly an hour or more. My sweet Curty, he is the best.

Back to the book, it is good, especially if you like historical fiction. Thanks Tim and Megan for getting me back into the escape of fiction, I needed it.

I am ready to start digging into those new books that have been patiently waiting for me. Here is the list:

"The Complete Guide to Getting and Staying Organized" Karen Ehman - currently at the bottom of a stack of things I will get to soon (unless I hide them to pretend I am organized and together). I should start with this one. :)
"Chief Home Officer" can't find it, Michael hid it, but think it is under the couch or in the toy room.
"Real Mom's . . . Real Jesus" Jill Savage. Can't wait to get into this - the back cover says "examine key behaviors and decisions Jesus made . . . Jill brings those lessons right down to the tiring, laundry filled, sticky fingered days every mom knows"
"Red Hot Monogamy" Bill and Pam Farrel - currently at the post office, waiting for me to pick it up. I am a little embarrassed, hope it is in a unmarked, plain envelope. The prude in me is screaming no, but my sweet Curty said, if you are going to this conference this is the workshop to attend. He said he was joking, but we all know that most of the things we joke about are based in reality. Is this an over share? Don't talk to me about it, I am mortified.

So this is what I am going to read. Anyone want to join in on the fun? I think I am going to start with the organizing one, it is a must. I hate that I have to fake it and can't just live it. Wow, does that statement cover a multitude of issues or what? Yikes. So I am going to work through the "step-by-step guide to creating a system. . . "(back cover) I think that I will try to start on "Real Mom's . . . Real Jesus" too, as so many things come back to the spiritual. I will probably put off that monogamy book as long as I can, just knowing myself. (I am blushing, just thinking of it - PRUDE!!)

Mom's Who Read

2009-03-16T22:51:00.003-05:00

Wow, what a weekend. I was able, thanks to the generous help of my sweet Curty and Mom and Eddie, to attend a weekend conference called Hearts at Home. Wow what a mom weekend. Basically it is a conference with the focus to re-energize, re-fresh, entertain, and educate mom's. May I say, job well done Heart at Home.

Thank you Jodi Yaley, for convincing me to go to my first conference. What a great joy you introduced me to. Thanks for the girls that I was able to spend time with at this conference: Natalie, Lisa, Tara, and Cherie, what fun you girls are. Thank you Mom and Eddie, for keeping Michael and giving him such a great weekend, it makes it easy to go away when there are no worries about my child. And most of all, thank you Curtis. You are the best husband and friend. You are so supportive and giving to me and always put my needs and wants at the top of your list. I hope that I do the same for you, although sometimes I don't see how I could ever match the many gifts and amount of love you have poured out onto me. Thank you for going with me this weekend to stay with Adah at a hotel and bring her to me whenever she needed to nurse. You consistently go above and beyond.

I went to 8 different classes while there and was inspired by each. I had a woman ask if my brain was melting with too much information, but the opposite was true. I was excited by each and amazed at how no matter how different they all seemed, they all dovetailed in my brain. Of course, each speaker I heard had written at least one book. I told Curtis after the first day that I could spend $1000 in the resource store, and I stand by it. I didn't spend that much, unfortunately he cut that budget dramatically. (Thank you debt snowball and Dave Ramsey - maybe in a few years I will be able to buy all the books I want - maybe I will have learned better self control - :) who knows which)

I did however buy four books, completely different from each other in theme and can't wait to get into them and use them in my life. There are things I want to take away from each: organization, mom skills, spiritual growth, and a stronger marriage. So I thought that maybe there are others who would like to read with me. Are there mom's who read out there who cannot commit to a weekly book group or a Bible study, but would like to just read a book with some support and encouragement from other mom's who read. This is a low pressure idea, but if you want to join my quest to read these books and make some changes in life, let me know and maybe we can do it together. Having a partner in these kind of things is always a good incentive for me. I am good with ideas and sometimes just terrible with the follow through. You should see all the great books on my book shelf that are just waiting for my renewed inspiration, passion, whatever it is that makes you actually pull one from the shelf, dust it off, open it up, and start reading and stick with it until it has either bored you to death or you have finished it. Maybe I will even get on a roll and finish the books I bought the first time I went to a Hearts conference nearly two years ago.

Mom's who read - UNITE!!

It still sucks

2009-02-20T00:50:00.003-06:00

Does anyone else have things in life that seem like and eternity ago and yesterday all at the same time? I sure do. I am not sure if it is good or bad, but it seems to be my reality. Mine seem to be wrapped in loss and grief.

Today is the 1 year anniversary of my niece's death. (Is that even the right way to phrase that?) This one year has seemed like years and looking back it is like yesterday. Does that make any sense? When I think of seeing and holding her it is so long ago, but when I think about how I miss her and how I feel about losing her it is like yesterday.

It still sucks.

Shaelynn Sue, such a sweet girl, in fact that is what Michael still calls her, "our sweet girl". She was taken from us too soon and too young after battling the horrors of brain cancer for one year. I am not sure if it will ever seem right or fair that at 15 months a brain tumor was found and that at 27 months she would die.

It still sucks.

I just know that God has a plan and this was it. Now some of you may want to say "All things work together for good . . ." and while I do believe it is true, I also believe that it is okay for me to say it still sucks.

God sees a bigger picture than I do, in fact I believe he made the picture. But that doesn't mean that I understand or don't wish that things had worked out differently. I think that God understands that. He knows my mind and my heart better than I do, He created me (and all of us) to not know or understand everything. If we had it all figured out what would we need Him for? I am glad that He knows the plan and purpose of all things in life good and bad.

One day I may even see the big picture, but I still miss her and it still sucks.

I know that some of you will not be shocked by this, but there is a Jill Phillips song that I love and that fits where I am at now. "I believe though its hard sometimes You are the resurrection and the life."

That chorus plays in my head all the time. I need it's constant reminder, even though it still sucks. I believe that He is the resurrection and the life and through that belief I know that Shaelynn is healed and is with my dad and her grandma Carol and one day we will all be together again. Until that day . . . You are the resurrection and the life.

2009-01-23T01:19:00.002-06:00

So as I finished my Michael blog a song came on my itunes and I had to share it. Sorry for all the postings lately, I guess I have been in the mood. I have been loving my new Jill Phillips cd - get it, you will love it too. There are so many great songs, but I am going to share one that seems to be in line with my heart right now. It is called "Children". I am going to give you most of the lyrics and some of my comments as well.

I know you better than anyone, I know that look in your eyes, The one where they say you are just like me, And that comes as little surprise, cause you're taking in everything I do - scary but true While I second guess all I thought I knew - oh yes, that is exactly where I am and have been since having children.

Oh, I love you so much, So how great is His love, That we should be called, We should be called, We should be called His children - isn't that an awesome analogy, if I can love my children so much, how much can a God who created the idea of children and love, love me. What a gift to be a child of God.

I want to keep you from crying, I want to save you from pain, I'd lay down my life for your life to go on, But couldn't let you do the same - Another mirror of God's love for us, He died so that I could live only true, pure, complete, selfless love could do that. So what kind of love would give selflessly, And take such joy in giving you to me - God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave me Michael (and Adah, but it is Michael's birthday) and the joy that has been brought to my life through his is indescribable.

I know that I'm not enough for you, And you know this at your young age, Even though my love fill fail you - I wish not, but humans fail each other no matter how we try to prevent it. The love that He has will not change - God's love doesn't change. I guess if I could teach my children anything it would be that God's love is big enough and more than enough, you can never run out of the love of God. How do I teach that?

I am sure that there is some way to put this song on my blog so you could listen to it, maybe I will figure it out, maybe I won't. If not, check it out on her web site or buy it on itunes.

Have a great day!!

Michael is 4

2009-01-23T00:26:00.003-06:00

It is official, I have a four year old. January 22 is a big day here at the Beekman house, it is our Michael day. Isn't it funny how one date on a calendar can suddenly be such a memorable day. I have had many January 22nd's in my life, but in 2005, January 22 became a day that I will celebrate all my days. It is the day that God gave me a remarkable gift, Michael David.

It was definitely one of my best days, a day where the unknown became known and yet there were so many questions in my head. Questions that I had never before thought to ask, and suddenly in a moment everything changed and the many questions that were answered multiplied into infinitely more questions. (wow, how many times can a person say questions in one sentence - whew?)

This has been a big year for Michael growing from three to four has been a year that we will never forget. We added a sister Adah, who he adores. I couldn't have dreamed that he would be better with her than he is. It is so fun to watch them together. I know that times will come where these blissful days will be a thing of the past as they will grow up to be normal kids, but right now we are loving the love. We added Grandpa Eddie, when my mom remarried. Every boy needs Grandpa and although Dad will never be replaced, it is great to have Eddie in Michael and the rest of our lives. We also lost Shaelynn, our sweet girl (that is what Michael always said) to an unthinkable and brave battle with cancer. The loss of his cousin is still constantly in his mind and on his heart. Earlier this week, he asked me exactly when we could visit Shaelynn in heaven. I wish I had better answers for those questions, but I don't. Heaven just isn't a place that we can visit, but those that love Jesus will get to go there to stay when He says that they are done here on Earth. So then he asked, in all his little boy innocence, so if I were a super-hero, could I fly to heaven, because super-hero's can do all kinds of super stuff that normal people can't do. I told him that I wished he could, but it just didn't work that way, and are you a super hero. No, Mom, I'm Michael. Oh, good to know. We will never stop wishing that we could see her and Michael will forever have "Team Shaelynn" etched into his heart and soul.

The gift of motherhood is watching who your children grow into. Michael seems to be growing into a sweet, but busy and normal, boy. I laugh daily at what he says and does. In fact one of my greatest fears in having a second child was that I wouldn't like anyone else as much as I do Michael. (Thankfully Adah seems to be growing into a completely likable girl herself - so Mom was right, that is nothing to worry about.) He has a will of his own, but isn't unable to take correction and instruction - some days are better than others. He remembers everything - good and bad. He loves to be read to and look at books, he has become great at building his own stories while he plays. It is so fun to watch and listen to him play, in fact I have caught him more than once in Adah's crib reading to her. She loves it and there is nothing better than hearing your older child tell your younger child the Christmas story or reading the Dr. Seuss book, Oh the Places You'll Go. Every time I think of how fast he is growing I think of a line from one of the books that was a favorite of my to teach my 8th graders, "The Giver" by Lois Lowry. Before any child moved from their childhood schooling to their adult lives the leader of the community said "Thank you for your childhood."

That is exactly how I feel. Michael, thank you for your childhood.

God thank you for Michael.

Monster Truck

2009-01-20T12:02:00.002-06:00

As we sat watching the whole inaugural preceding events I was trying to explain everything to Michael. It was kind of fun. I actually remember watching the last inauguration 4 years ago, I was big (overdue) and pregnant with him, talking to my belly about what was happening and wondering who in fact was in my belly. Feeling a little ridiculous, but I was alone so that was okay. To sit here today watching it with the one who was in my belly is one of those mom moments.

But as we were watching the parade, he said "Where are the monster trucks?" I told him about the important cars and all those other vehicles that were there to keep our current and future president safe. And he with all the logic of a child said "But Mom, wouldn't a monster truck be helpful? Wouldn't that be good to keep The President and Barack Omama safe? It could run over the bad guys." I told him that maybe when he was president he could have monster trucks in his procession. He told me that he wasn't going to be president, he was going to be Bob the Builder.

Life according to an almost 4 year old, and I have to agree with him, the procession would have been better with a monster truck.

Too Long

2009-01-19T23:16:00.002-06:00

Okay - so it has been a while. I think about blogging and then do something else, like play spider solitaire until I win. I am addicted.

Am I the only one who feels like she is so busy, but when asked what she has been doing she says, "Not much". Not because I am underplaying my life, but because I genuinely don't remember what I have been doing. I just know that I don't have time (or is it take the time) to do things like, clean, fold laundry, or go to the library with my children.

Oh, that reminds me, last week we did make it to the library. YEAH!! (I hadn't showered and didn't have a real bra on, but we made it. I left my coat and my stocking cap on.) So while we were there we signed up for the winter reading program. Fun, I know. There was an older lady there, who said, while I was standing there. "Isn't it sad that kids don't read just for fun anymore, you have to bribe them with trinkets and treats."

I stand there with the 3 books and 2 audio books with the book to follow along with that Michael just picked out, and we argued because he wanted more, thinking should I say "NOT MY KID - I could read to him all day and he would love it!!" Which would probably sound defensive and not true at all. Or should I say nothing and pretend not to hear her railing on the downward spin of society being blamed on lazy TV/video game crazed children whose parents use a box to occupy their children instead of challenging them with books.

I, shockingly, stayed quiet. Then she saw me and said "well, you know that isn't true of the mom's who would come to the library with their children." Forced smile, forced smile returned to you lady. Then it occurred to me, this is probably me in 30 years. I need to learn to shut up and not share every opinion just because it is in my head.

So this is a little random, I know. But so am I.

Dunkin' Mama

2008-10-01T22:50:00.002-05:00

Does anyone else feel like the guy in the old commercial for Dunkin Donoughts?

He ran around busy with everything and every time he looked at the clock he said "Time to make the donoughts!" Well these days it is me, time to feed the baby, time to check the laundry, time to put him down for a nap, time to go to preschool, does the list go on and on.

No one told me, or I didn't listen, that I would have less time to accomplish my stuff as a stay at home mom than I ever had when I had a "real" job. I mean really what I should be able to get done in a day at home. At the end of my day I can't exactly look at something and say look that is done because I did it. Nothing ever seems to be really done. So now I have decided to stop looking at a list of tasks that never quite get done and make a new list. In the midst of eveything else, did I:
Play on the floor
Read more than one book
Sing and dance
Go to the library
Make pancakes
Snuggle
Eat lunch with my children
Pray with my children
Tell stories about the people they love
Explain things so they can understand

Maybe if I add the things I would like to do and actually do to my list it would feel like more was accomplished. And really isn't snuggling and talking with my children more important than making sure that my floors are always spotless? I hope so.

Time to love my life!!

Peeing at the park

2008-09-25T17:24:00.002-05:00

Am I the only one who has a son who will drop and pee anytime anyplace? I am constantly worried that whenever we are outside that we are going to have a "pee" problem. Then when I relax, I hear it, the quiet trickle and splash of pee. At that point, what can you do?

Yesterday we had a nice little outing, up to the library, ran into Uncle Drew, over to the post office, then down to the park. What a beautiful day with my children. Wow, I love my new double stroller. Michael is now old enough to be kind of independently playing at the park. I know that he can do all the stuff and he loves all the climbing, sliding, dangling, swinging, and all that goes into a jungle gym. Oh, another little boy, is Michael playing nice. Oh, good taking turns. Thank heaven. I'm reading my "Family Fun" (IRONIC don't you think) magazine and then I hear it. Oh, no where is he? At the top of the slide peeing off onto the bark below. "Michael" and brief interruption of the stream and then a "What?" Like why are you bothering me woman, can't you see I am busy? Up onto the thing I go and pick him up, he is of course finished, and off we go. I can't take the direct route home, what if that other mother figures out who I am and that I have the public pee - er of Mediapolis.

Almost home, and still mad. How many times does this conversation have to happen? Finally I say, "Why did we have to leave the park?"

"Because I peed"

"I can't believe you peed on the slide"

"I didn't pee on the slide, I peed on the ground"

"On, from, whatever. Is it okay to pee in public?"

"No."

"Where do we pee?"

No answer, smart kid.

"We pee at home in the bathroom and no where else. Do you understand? I don't want that penis to see the light of day. Do you understand?"

"Can I have butter jelly for lunch?"

Something that can ruin my day is just a preview to lunch for him. How does this work? Is there anything short of child abuse and giving him a bathroom complex for the rest of his life that I can do? Not to mention that I haven't done his laundry yet, so his last clean pair of play shorts are now peed on. What a cyclical world.

But here is the joy burst. I have a son who is potty trained, he is able to communicate with me, and someday I will have this story to embarass him with. What a wonderful world.

2008-09-22T19:08:00.002-05:00

Bad Mother Moment - so this morning was not my best. Michael wouldn't get dressed, eat his breakfast, or leave his sister alone. Adah wouldn't eat so I did the dangling nipple dance, not a favorite of mine, and all she could do was smile and coo. Three sessions of discipline later, we were finally out the door to preschool - a little later than I hoped to leave but on the way none the less. Shockingly I wasn't in a horrible mood. We sang with some favorite tunes on our way to New London and talked about what we don't do at pre-school.

"Michael, you know that it isn't good to call people names, so I don't want to hear that you said 'You Idiot' as you are playing with your friends."

"Mommy are there words that you can say that I can't?"

My whole being was saying, yes in fact there are, but I smilingly said "No baby, Mommy should do better at not calling people names too."

"Even in the car Mommy?"

"Yes baby, even in the car."

Those people who believe that three year olds don't know what is going on have never been around a three year old.

I have come to the conclusion that God is using my life to show that He does, in fact, have a sense of humor.

Friday

2008-09-19T21:55:00.002-05:00

I am so proud of my friends. Despite their fears and their trials they were able to share about defining moments in their lives in order to help others. What a sacrifice and what courage. Thank you Jolene, Lisa, Samantha, and Shaina.

Samantha, my dear sister (in-law technically, but sister in my heart) you amaze me with your clear, strong voice sharing about Shaelynn. I know my own grief as we lost and continue to miss our sweet girl, so I can't even begin to understand the magnitude of your feelings. And yet, you shared about this crisis today. You are such a strong woman. I am so grateful for you and the example you set for me, to love without boundaries and cherish the moments we are given. What a gift you are to the Kelly family.

The Laundry Miracle

2008-09-17T22:00:00.003-05:00

Okay, so today I started my laundry. Of course I didn't finish it, I never finish it.

I wanted to tell about a new fun laundry thing I have that is actually helping me fold and organize as it comes out of the wash. I saw it at Menard's and had to have it, and Curtis actually let me get it. I know, I was shocked too. So it is a hanging rack that has 4 canvas pouches/basket things on it (I will try to take a picture of it and post it - my description is leaving something to be desired - sorry). So I can put things on hangers either to dry or as they come out so I can avoid the dreaded iron. Then the great part, each person has a basket, so I just fold whatever is coming out of the dryer and put it into that persons basket. It also is on wheels, so I can just drive it room to room and put everything away. The trick to making it work, I have been using it about a month, is to dedicate the time to laundry. You can't just throw a load in and then run an errand, come home take it out and go again. You have to actually take the time and commit to laundry, otherwise you will have what happened to me last week. A beautiful, yet empty laundry miracle next to a gigantic pile of clean clothes that took more than an hour to fold.

So what has happened to my life. I couldn't imagine a laundry miracle 10 years ago, but now I get visibly excited and babble about it to my friends. GET A LIFE REBEKAH - wait a minute, this is my life, and most days I love it. Especially if I have found a laundry miracle.

Have a great day!!

Getting Started

2008-09-16T23:38:00.000-05:00

Starting a blog, so yes, I am a joiner. So many of my greatest friends are blogger's, so I will follow into the blog world, sceptical that anyone would want to read it, but knowing that the writing will be "cathartic" (thanks Sarah). As I look at the time, I have decided that the best thing to do is to put off my first "real" post. A procrastinator through and through, I will start the real stuff later. Adah beckons to me that it is in fact time to finish her off and get to bed. So good night and hopefully I will be back soon.